Sometimes you have a post you have no idea where it’s going when you start. This is one of those posts. I’m guessing it’s a long road to nowhere..nowhere but fat bashing that is. [Edit: Now that it's done, if you suffer through the beginning, there is some redeeming qualities at the end - AMD]
Usually couples match up pretty close in body rank. You usually see men or women matched up to their rank number within one or so, or at least at first. So good looking man with good looking wife. Fat man with fat wife. Skinny athletic man with skinny athletic wife. It makes for stable relationships when you’re generally close in body rank. That’s why Athol’s plan for improvement of body rank is so basic… if you improve it forces the wife to improve…usually, so you (usually) both end up hotter and hotness and attraction leads to more sex. True story.
I’ve got a number of male friends who’ve put on a bunch of weight while their wives stayed generally the same, which is to say, pretty lean. This “fat husband, skinny wife” routine is seen in a lot of television hows and seems to be the more socially accepted practice. Here’s a list of shows I could think of off the top of my head:
- King of Queens – Fat Doug and his loud mouthed hot wife
- Sopranos – Tony and Carmella Soprano
- Family Guy – Peter and Louis Griffen
- Game of Thrones- King Robert Baratheon and Cersei Lannister
- Fresh Prince of Bell Air – The dad and Vivian Banks (Fresh Prince’s uncle/aunt)
So with the exception of maybe Family Guy and King of Queen, both sitcoms, the fat guy/skinny wife works when the husband is a strong dude or has Alpha qualities. One of my best friends is a big dude (6’6″) who got way fatter after college, and his wife is a skinny minny, but dude is an super confident AMOG and could punch well above his rank if he wanted to. This is sort of beauty and the beast theme, and I think part of it is many women are ok having a big bear of a man since it makes them feel smaller and safe. If you are a fat beta man, with a skinnier good looking woman, look out… ticking time bomb unless she is incredibly grounded and into you for other reasons.
“Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean”
On the other end of the spectrum is something you rarely, if ever, see in sitcoms or shows but see it every day and that is the skinny husband, fat wife situation. The reason you don’t see it in sitcoms is that it’s not funny, it’s sad. And seeing it in real life is really sad too. Now I totally get that women gain weight when they have kids and for many its tough to take off. It can be done though, and many, many women get back to within sight at least of their pre-baby weight. I’m not talking about the “average” woman who may carry a few extra pounds, but those that just say “fuck it” and eat their way into a MuMu as a preferred fashion statement. Recognize that I believe there’s a big difference in those actively trying to get back to their fighting weight and simply struggling a little versus those who choose to simply throw in the towel and turn out to be mentally miserable (when being honest with themselves) and subsequently are miserable to their husband.
For a husband this is difficult territory as he’s afraid of the inevitable blow-up if he gives it to her straight, so instead Mr. Beta-Boy’s response is “No, I love you for who you are honey…I still think you look great!” What else can he do? And she doesn’t respect him. How can you respect someone when you can’t respect yourself. He’s married to a pig, and therefore he’s a pig-lover. How can she respect a motherfuckin’ pig lover? That’s just sick! This miserable cycle just continues on, she busts his balls, doesn’t respect him, and he’s walking on eggshells and acts even more beta. I can almost guarantee you men in this situation aren’t getting “laid like tile” and are getting, at best, crappy drip fed sex.
Their wives don’t see this pig-lover as having a shot at anyone better than them, so why should they shape up their act, sex up their man properly, appreciate their man properly and lose weight? You can’t really call it baby weight when your “baby” is 9 years old. One of Holly’s old boss’s had a wife like this. She was pretty heavy, always seemed really insecure to me and sort of a battle axe, but who knows what she was really like in private (I’m betting my paycheck on l0w-sex battle axe). Her boss, this sow’s husband, was a lean mean triathlete type and they always looked odd together.
However, despite men having less attraction for their fat wives, most won’t leave. Some stay for the kids, some because they hold out hope she’ll turn things around, but most just don’t really think very highly of their own options or have stopped caring enough t0 put in the effort. Take for example this article on some UK rag website by Samantha Brick (who is hated by the fat acceptance movement and admittedly is a bitch I guess, but supports my thesis for today): My Husband Says He’ll Divorce Me if I Get Fat.
You see, in my household being slim isn’t something to aspire to — it’s an obligation. As Pascal likes to remind me: ‘I married you because you’re slim — I don’t want a fat wife.’
When I read in a recent survey that 42 per cent of men would be less attracted to their girlfriend if she gained half a stone, it didn’t surprise me. What did astonish me was only 5 per cent of men said they’d leave the relationship.
For in my marriage, the brutal truth is: if I get fat my husband will most definitely divorce me.
Or this one: Help my wife is FAT!
I barely got married 3 years ago and in short time span I’ve watched my wife balloon up by at least 30 pounds.
I haven’t said anything yet because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. … I don’t want this fat wife, I want the hot wife I married.
Or this pulled from the GodLikeProduction forums:
I don’t have the balls to divorce my fat wife — afraid of what that would do to me financially — and don’t want to lose my kids.
But sometimes I dream of what it would be like to reenter the dating scene.
I am very fit, jog daily and work out regularly. Very young looking 35. I could easily get an attractive girl. Have had many opportunities, but I could never bring myself to cheat.
My wife, while 3 years my younger looks like she’s 50 — gained 100 lbs since we married. Very lazy and unmotivated to do anything. She is no longer the woman I fell in love with. Can’t bear the thought of sex with her.
Men like women who look like women, not Jabba the hutt. Fat is fucking gross.
We can live with curves, hell some of us prefer curves and a nice round booty. But when the body rank discrepancy is high and you’re kicking ass and your wife is fat and not doing anything about it, it can be a tough road to hoe. I’ve followed multiple threads on my “man forum” about fat wives and how they just grin and bear it… but a few of those contributors admitted that for their life, they had enough and got out.
Change has to come from within. You, as a husband, can’t make your wife thin by wishing it or verbally beating her up or encouraging her. She has to want it. You can alpha up and improve yourself but sometimes it’s either deal with having a fat wife for the kids or because you are religious or whatever… or pull the rip cord. Ironically, after you leave or get divorced will be when she “gets in the best shape of her life”. What a bitch! Seriously that is just a total bitch move.
So my advice for everyone: Eat Better! Abs are made in the kitchen. You need to create new triggers and new habits [I'm reading two great books right now that I'll summarize in upcoming post(s): The Talent Code: Greatness Isn't Born. It's Grown. and The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business] to reprogram yourself. It’s resetting the norm for you. I always point people to MarksDailyApple, which as a great Success Story page with many people with fat or health problems that got better by eating better and exercising….some really amazing transformations. Robb Wolf is another great resource. If you are fat or obese, I highly recommend low carb, whole food (real meats and lots of veggies) diet – as Wolf says:
low carb is fantastic for the insulin resistant individual, as it addresses both glycemic load and satiety.
Translated, that means if you currently eat a lot of sugar and flour and are headed towards the ‘betes (diabetes that is), and are hungry a lot and have a lot of sugar rushes and crashes, this diet is good for you as it makes you feel full while keeping a steady source of energy from proteins and fats (not sugars). Once things are set, you may be having such great success dropping pounds you stick with this. By low carb I mean less than 50 g per day. MarksDailyApple the book (AKA The Primal Blueprint) gets into this as well.
Anyway, good luck for those of you who stumbled here because your wife is fat and you’re unhappy. All you can do is control your own behaviors and actions, you can’t control others. It’s up to you to have the “come to Jesus” conversation with your wife (stop being so afraid and really give it to her about what you feel about her fat/eating habits and what it means to your marriage), and if it get’s to be something that impacts your quality of life enough, don’t be afraid to make drastic changes (separation or divorce) as you only live once. And for those starting the journey to be thinner, make a commitment and make it happen. Don’t get discouraged by the setbacks, be cognicent that your bad eating habits have a trigger and reset the trigger. The Power of Habit book (which has over 1,000 Amazon reviews, most 5 or 4 stars) really is a great place to start in resetting things. Best of luck my friends, some of you need it.