I believe confidence is the key ingredient for success in the dating and marriage realm. Believing in yourself and your abilities, being confident that you’re “The Man”, and have an outward appearance that can’t help but be noticed by others. You’re not that unsure, tentative guy, you’re the uber-confident ass-kicker. Sure it may be buried inside somewhere, but it’s there. Sometimes we just have to relax, believe in ourselves, be happy with ourselves, and let that trait come to the surface. We tend to get lost in our own heads, second guessing ourselves…meanwhile, the dude or lady you’re talking with is thinking the same thoughts and getting lost in their own heads. We’re a society of insecure people, so you can stand out by being confident and secure in your own skin. Danny from 504 is a great example of this, average looking dude but uber-confident and comfortable in who he is and has skillzz with the ladies.
Swingers is one of my favorites (and a real study on confidence and alpha/beta), and this segment from he movie is the difference between confidence (friends building it up) and lack thereof (at the beginning):
The book Liars Poker by Michael Lewis (awesome book, by the way, about Wall Street in the 1980′s) refers to the highest confident Alpha dudes in the firm as Big Swinging Dicks (BSD). Many of us “Nice” guys need more confidence and BSD in us to balance out our natural tendencies that will always be there. But confidence can’t be faked. What we do, what we know, the skills we have, etc. all contribute to the foundations of confidence. But even with these skills, if you don’t believe in yourself and your abilities, or the fact that you’re a big Fucking Bear, with these Claws, Man, you’ll never have the confidence to inspire others, including your spouse. Be that Bear. Be that BSD.