Besides participating in various men’s focused blogs and sites in this ‘sphere realm I’ve participated in another unrelated non-sphere forum (think male dominated hobby) for years that caters nearly entirely for men as well (in fact, I may have a few readers from there). They have all sorts of random topics and discussions and it really is a virtual lounge nearly devoid of women where we, as men can let our hair down. It’s a broad cross section of society as well, with broad geographic, age, income, racial, political and religious representation. However, most common is the middle-class, white male that is married with kids. Topics range from politics, technology, information, current events, sports, family, health, fitness, women and sex. With a heads up by yours truly, Athol Kay even made an appearance in 2011 on a topic related to a sexless marriage and a dude who was struggling with what to do.
One recent topic: a dude was struggling with what to do about some rage issues with his wife (and mother of his kids) who was very angry and disrespectful that was undermining their marriage. This thread, then got off topic as it began spiraling towards Red Pill vs. Blue Pill and Patriachary vs. Feminism and a new thread was started essentially about “do you think the man should lead the household”. It was a debacle from the start as most clung to their “plugged in” ideals and feminist brainwashing. Most who chimed in on the topic though marriage should be equal and that all decisions should be a compromise between husband and wife (and if pushed, let the wife get her way). It didn’t matter if the both spouses worked or if one was a stay at home parent, this is the new male party line. One of the responses, said in jest (of course), showed the true tenor of how married men think: “Let me check with my wife [on what I think] and get back to you”. Har har, self depreciating humor at its finest :sarcasm:.
Several men believed that without a doubt men should be the leader of the house, set the tone and example and empower the wife and rest of the family to fulfill their appropriate duties. Evolutionary biology that men were designed to be the leader and family protector can’t get re-written in a generation or two (feminism) and still have everything relationship/family wise be hunky-dory. Woman may accept being a leader and home “boss” in a vacuum, but inherently (and subconsciously) look down on their man if he lets her be in that position as he then appears more dependent-like than a pillar of the family. This mentality of those who believe this way were then beat down by the blue-pillers who responded with “Neanderthal”, “Douche” and “Welcome to the 1950′s”. One red-piller’s response was something like “take your balls out of your wife’s purse” if you want a good marriage. In-fighting at its best. One poster had the following response, which I think sums up the “typical” married man’s thought process in the absence of male leadership (tie-breaking vote) in a situation where a consensus can’t be made:
When a decision needs to be made, two people get a vote. Say Dick votes yes and Jane votes no. We have a stalemate, right? Wrong, Jane wins by default. Action isn’t taken until this decision is resolved. No action means no. After a period of time Dick figures “can’t win, might as well get on board” and begrudgingly changes his vote to appease Jane (hah! Chivalry!). That gallant act resolves the issue, but the problem remains that Dick thought it was wrong to begin with. He finds himself being snarky and passive aggressive with Jane as he drives his Raspberry colored Prius to work at the factory. And he’s mad at himself because he was weak. It grinds him down. And that type of behavior is detrimental to the whole family.
Obviously in most healthy marriages, major decisions are made by both husband and wife, and discussions of pro’s and con’s are made toward a final decision. I believe Holly and I are on the same page for 90% of family decisions. Of the remainder, 5% of the time one of us cares less than the other so acquiesces to the other’s position. The last 5% is where we both stick to our guns. While we both trust each other, in general I typically get to make the final call. Quick example I can think of: earlier last year, when purchasing our house we now live in, we came to the point of making an offer. The Realtor and Holly both wanted to offer more than I thought we should. I stuck to my guns, made the decision on final offer price (which was $8 or $10,000 less than what they were pushing me towards) and the price was accepted. Plus one for the Captain. It doesn’t come to that point often, but when there’s a stalemate someone has to make a decision and I believe that unless the wife has expertise that makes her a better decision maker, it should be the Leader. If the decision doesn’t turn out, it’s on the decision-maker to make it right. If someone randomly came to the house and asked to speak to the “Head of Household” who would get to do the talking in yours?
My point in all this is that many men have been conditioned like Pavlov’s Dog to do what the master requests. They may bitch about it, about not getting laid, about lapdogging, about being more chore-boy than husband, but they don’t do anything about it. They won’t believe the truth that their wives would be more attracted to them if they A) were more in shape B) became the family leader and set the tone C) pushed back against unreasonable requests and D) didn’t hover and put her on a pedestal (along with Covert Contracts). They tolerate being plugged in to the feminist brainwashing that women are better than men, and because of that (and despite maybe their wives best intentions, it’s evolutionary and subconcious) their wife’s vaginas are typically closed for service. Being a man means finding your mission and dedicating yourself to it above most other things. While I’m not exactly sure what my mission is yet (I certainly have things that I’m passionate about), spreading this message (and one that raises issues with conventional wisdom of health, family and wellness) is something I think is very important and is as close to my mission (right now at least) as anything. I’m hoping that my (and others out here) message, thoughts and experiences can help others that are working with their own marriages and life thoughts.