This post raises the stakes a little and have a feeling some may disagree, but I’m sharing my experiences and hoping that one or two others out there may find some use for this info.
First, the True Meaning of Slapsgiving (from How I Met Your Mother):
A while back, I read a couple of posts over at Game Revolution about slapping your girl. These articles are Slap Women and Slap Women Part 2. I would never, ever advocate violence against women. I think those dudes that hit their woman or their kids (beyond some spanking of the kids which I can agree with as a means of last resort in discipline. Since I’m hanging out in parenthesis here, I thought I’d mention our preferred method of discipline for the children is the “time out” or as we call it “the naughty chair” after a count of three, which is really just a spot in the hallway or stairs where they have to sit for a few minutes to think about their actions. Lately we’ve been implementing push-ups. Very rarely have we felt it necessary to spank our kids – like once or twice a year if that – and both Holly and I came from families where we were spanked somewhat frequently growing up, anyways I digress here a little into parenting which I’m sure some will agree with, others won’t. End of parenthesis) need to be punished to the full extent of the law.
What I do think is that spanking or slapping the ass, or even the face, at the right times can be a real turn-on for women. This post is about face-slapping, just to be clear. However, Jean (the blogger at Game Revolution) and I both recognize its about context, light playful slapping and more about the taboo and dominance than about pain that does the turning on. Take for example this comment exchange between a reader who saw things in another light and chose to comment on the Slap post, and the author from the Game Revolution Slap post:
Reader: If my daughter told me her boyfriend slapped her in the face I would beat the shit out of him. That animated picture you have of the girl getting slapped is sick and so are you. You’re a great example of why passive aggressive behavior is so bad. You’ve spent years being a masochist, absorbing all of this abuse and not standing up for yourself, and now you’ve become the abuser. Your relationship with your girl is sick and way exceeds the line of healthy dominance. Ashley is a similarly sick person too. You both need help.
Author: Your fatherly instincts are certainly understandable and you’d probably be right. Unfortunately, I’d predict that if your daughter were dating a woman-slapping guy, she’d probably hide the “abuse” from you because she would be deeply in love with the guy, and turned on sexually by him. In the event that you found out and did beat the shit out of him, she’d probably turn against you and continue to see him, even going behind your back to do so, or cutting you out of her life in order to stay with him.
The animated picture is from some BDSM porn, and it depicts a slap that’s a lot harder than anything I’ve ever done. I don’t recommend hitting a woman that hard unless she says she wants you to.
I wouldn’t call myself sick or a masochist. I’d call myself a pragmatist. I spent years running “cuddle and compliment” and buy flowers and chocolate game and ultimately it doesn’t work that well. It’s too bad because I’m naturally inclined to be a nice guy. I’d love to be the nice guy and have that work out well and keep a woman happy. But, as a pragmatist, since it doesn’t work I throw it out and adapt.
But just to clarify again, when I’ve been slapping Ashley [AMD NOTE: His Girlfriend] and other female friends, its very light slaps that don’t hurt. It’s like a parody of violent boyfriend behavior that scores some of the same benefits as the real thing.
Now I’m not fully on the same page with the author, the line about “I don’t recommend hitting a woman that hard unless she says she wants you to” crosses the line for me, but I’m not into BDSM. The point being “it like a parody of the violent boyfriend behavior” done in a safe manner can be exciting. Alpha without the edge of real violence. In seeing the popularity of “50 Shades of Grey” (which I haven’t read but M has) you can get a glimpse of the fact that women want to be submissive to a dominant man, and slapping, bondage, etc. is one of those ways. I refer to it as “play-slapping” since that’s really what it is.
Here’s another post about a husband asked by his wife to slap her face during sex. Here’s the setup and a few exerpts, read the link for the full exchange:
Dear Em & Lo,
My wife and I have been together just over five years. The other night while having sex, she asked me to slap her in the face. Repeatedly. I was raised not to lay a hand down on a woman, and now I am being asked to. We are pretty active and broad in our sexual tastes, but this one is kind of weird to me. Thoughts, ideas?
– Slap Unhappy
Dear Slap Unhappy,
Agreeing to slap your wife during sex because it turns her on doesn’t make you the kind of guy who’d slap his wife for being five minutes late with the dinner. It just makes you the kind of awesome husband who’s into fulfilling his wife’s ultimate fantasy. And it is just that: a fantasy.
One of the most common sexual fantasies among women is to be overpowered/dominated/ravished by a man — but fantasizing about this during masturbation or even wanting a partner to play along with the fantasy during sex doesn’t mean that a woman actually wants to be raped…she just wants to lose control temporarily, in the throes of passion, with someone whom she trusts implicitly not to actually hurt her. (It’s the plot line for the majority of romance novels, too: man ravishes woman; woman swoons; etc. And it’s a discussion we’ve been having around these here parts lately.)
Now my wife Holly has a physically dominant personality and the strength to back it up. She grew up as the middle child with two brothers close in age, has a father who teases in a physical manner, is VERY strong for a woman (stronger than most “average” office jockey type beta men) and enjoys roughhousing. She’s taken judo and can mostly handle herself. She’s not afraid to mess with brothers or guy friends we know at the gym (who are similar to brothers) with her judo knowledge and general strength. I am a former wrestler (6 years), have taken Muay Thai, BJJ and Judo as well and it’s a joke when she roughhouses with me since I’m like a super-strong ninja, but she likes to initiate rough-play from time to time. I know for a fact that I would lose major respect in her mind if she were able to physically manhandle me and likes it that she loses when we roughhouse.
Now awhile back (haven’t done this in a bit), we were play-slapping each other more frequently over a period of weeks. I’m guessing I probably started it (probably a seed planted from the Game Revolution posts), but Holly enjoyed it too. It literally surprised her mouth open after the first time I did it (and most other times too) then she got a huge grin on her face and returned or would try to return the favor. One night awhile back, we shared a bottle of wine and were enjoying ourselves just hanging out. At some point, one of us play-slapped the other and it went back and forth a few times. We were both smiling after the slap-exchange and you could feel the temperature start to rise. I’ll leave it to your imagination what happened after that.
Now unlike Game Revolution, I’m not recommending face slapping your wife or girlfriend per se, but suggesting you consider it if you’ve got the teasing, playful demeanor down and perhaps already do some ass-slapping for fun (I like to call that the “good game” since football players like the ass slap too). It might not work for you (like sexting doesn’t work for me) and may backfire completely (forewarned) but then again it could. Only you have a feel for your partner and how she might react, I knew mine would react positively so it wasn’t really a risk.
Remember, light, playful, wrist slaps, nothing that could leave a mark as that’s not the intention here, just the “O” face of surprise then a smile is what you’re going for. Also, as in most things in life, timing is everything. You don’t want to do this out of the blue, kids all around, etc. It’s something where if you want to try it, the fun vibe has to be in the air, some bantering and back-and-forth over some fun topic is already going on with a cocky-funny flirty vibe by you. Obviously, this is on the risk territory spectrum and you’ve obviously got to both be in the happy mood with no traces of anger or resentment. After all that, if you think she’ll like that sort of thing (she likes the ass-slaps at times just fine and is in a silly mood), just go for it. Remember, lighter is better until you’ve got a little experience and see that it goes over well, not a hand print that puts you in jail. Please use your discretion here… Holly and I have a very solid relationship built on trust and we’re trying to keep things interesting and non-routine. If you do it right, and it works right, the “O” face is priceless. If not, hopefully you can come up with some reason why you’d even think that was a good idea and not because “This married-guy website I like to read made it sound like fun” Got it? Good!
Hmmmm…I don’t think I would be into the slapping. But if your partner is into it and it doesn’t cause permanent damage emotionally or physically…I say go for it. Ass slapping around here has been really nice. Levi is getting into that and I am weirdly enjoying it.
I do like other displays of dominant behavior…a little hair pulling, neck holding (not choking), pinning, etc. I would suggest you have an open discussion about what you might be interetested in and then have that same discussion in a few months, years, something. Because if you had told me when we first got married that I would like him pulling my hair or pinning me to a wall to have his way with me…I would have checked you for a fever:)
Bea
Wow, I’m surprised to see a post about this…. Mook and I took the Mojo Upgrade quiz, and I marked slapping as “yes” and he marked as “if she wanted to”. And it’s not something I’d thought of before I saw the question. But he’s done it a couple of times, and it’s quite nice when we’re hot and heavy. But I might be talking about a harder slap than you are *blush*
This kind of thing is so great. When we get there- and are ready, I’d love to venture into this!