Pain can be a great catalyst for change if you get over the motivation hump and implement a well thought out strategy. You can either cry about it, beat yourself up, play the victim card, or do something about it.
How many times have you said: “This sucks, I’m sick and tired of being [fill in the blank]”
- Sick and tired
- In a marriage with a shitty sex life
- In a job I hate
- Disrespected by my wife/kids/boss
Like the alcoholic who doesn’t change until he wants to, admission of a problem and facing it head on is done on our own schedule. Until the pain becomes so great that the alternative of staying in that situation is more painful than getting out of the routine and taking action, you’ll continue to grind away in that bad situation. Our mind has the power to rationalize and make it seem acceptable, or make it seem that the alternative of eating better, exercising, having frank talks with the wife or boss, or finding a new job seem more daunting than it is.
This blog started as my own self-reflection on what I didn’t like about my life. While it originally centered on a marriage that had grown stagnant, it morphed into so much more. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop trying to improve incrementally and I also know there is no finish line. The elusive line just keeps moving forward, and I’m finding at 40 my body doesn’t behave the same way as my 25 year old body. For me, the self-reflection, honest appraisal, and work put in has been transformational over a 5 year period. I have muscles. I engage in regular healthy challenges (just completed 60 days of Beachbody’s Insanity, while lifting heavy once/week to maintain strength). I have a job I’m finally happy with and engaged in moreso than maybe ever. Our financial path and goals are on point. My marriage and sex life is strong. Things aren’t perfect, but I finally feel in many ways I’ve crossed the Rubicon and as long as I keep aware of backsliding, we’re well on our way to continuing a now meaningful and fulfilling life.
As a result of where I feel today, some of my drive to keep on sharing and scratching at scars that are long healed to bring my ideas to the masses has waned. My career has blossomed over the last year and my mental focus has shifted from my AMD blog to productive career stuff, so much so that coming home putting on the hat to write about a life that is now “easy” due to the past trials and tribulations, and the current structure and processes in place to succeed, in so many ways seems rote and disingenuous. I have various posts I’ll eventually get to that are in half-finished states and worth sharing, but the drive to write every day, or multiple times per week just isn’t there.
I’m not the only one. Hawaiian Libertarian also recently wrote about this and how he’s focusing more on real life than internet life. I surely still enjoy helping people and am still doing coaching on the side when the opportunities arise, but it’s not on the front burner.
So what does that mean? This site will still be here. I’ll still write when I have something to say or we add a new film to the bedroom or when Fatherhood has given me something to share. Between MBA classes I’ll be starting this fall, and books on contracts I have to read, I still hope to find time to finish some of the behind-the-scenes stuff I’m working on in the AMD media empire. But we’ll see.
Feel free to reach out by e-mail (theAverageMarriedDad@gmail.com) if you have questions. I don’t always respond, and have gotten worse at responding to website comments, but I’ll do my best to circle back around when I can. And keep checking back, I’ll still write as this is now part of who I am, but I’m not sure what this blog will be when it’s all growed up.
Until then, keep being awesome, and if you aren’t there yet, work your ass off and get there. I’m amazed at how great life is when you put the work in, and have gratitude for the effort put in over the years and the luck I’ve had along the way – maybe most of all finding a good woman to marry.