/’paSHǝn/ , pash-uh n
- any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
- strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
- strong sexual desire; lust.
- an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
- a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.
- a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: i.e. a passion for music.
- the object of such a fondness or desire: i.e. Accuracy became a passion with him.
My life bucket is quite full, but my passion bucket has some holes I’m looking to patch up. I’ve been here before. It’s been awhile, as I’m usually have that passionate spark about something that burns deep inside and fuels some reservoir of excitement that is hard to explain. Right now I don’t have a good explanation of losing this feeling and it’s a little worrisome. You HAVE to go through life with passion or it’s like living life in a black and white movie – the color is just gone. Remember when Dorothy went to Oz from Kansas and it went from dull and dreary to “Ho-lee Shit! This is what I’m talking about – color and excitement!!”? Now imagine that in reverse. See?! Improvements need to be made.
I think way too many of us get ground down by the day to day, and lose the passion we once had. In my youth I’d do all kinds of crazy stuff because I was so filled by the mythical Ch’i I was drunk on life. Midnight rollerblading adventures with old girlfriends. Solo breaking into Ross-Ade Stadium (sober I might add) multiple times and soaking in the stars and how amazing life is. Coming This-Close (“) to attempting the same maneuver to break into the Colosseum in Rome (this time, semi-drunk on wine), but decided against it. Having passion and a kid-like outlook on life with a smile on face knowing everything is awesome is something I took great satisfaction in. Cranking up Cat1 or HC mountains on my bikes during Ironman training, or simply racing up a local peak trying to beat friends to the top. But my tires are flat right now. Trying to find my mojo.
Like you, my life is incredibly full, incredibly in flux, and it’s mostly really good. New job is going really well, leaving much less time for goofing off and writing posts while on someone else’s dime. I was selected to start a 6 month high-end leadership class paid for by the company, but will suck some more time out. Will be assistant coaching BirdsNest’s competitive soccer team this fall. Working to get my shingle ready to hang out next month some time (stay tuned!). Running 3x a week, and lifting 3x per week. Mowing lawn, cleaning house, laundry, running kids… the list never ends. Then finding time to enjoy the fruits of my labor by relaxing at the pool with wife and kids, and trying to find time to enjoy friends, and my wife’s vagina. Does any of this sound familiar?
On top of this, I’m wrapping my head around another major life change-an old, once dear friend who has passed on if you will- and frankly I’m happy to keep my balls juggled in the air, let alone having my cake and eating it too – but that’s what I want. My kids are happy. Money and work situations are solid. Health is really good (getting faster and stronger, feel healthy). Wife relationship solid, but lacking passion. But I’m out of balance. I sleep like shit. I don’t feel passion, and need to patch the holes in my passion bucket, and get back to this:
I know I can’t be the only one who has misplaced their mojo. The last time I really felt like this was when I started of my journey to figure out why my marriage was so blah, which is why I started this blog to begin with. I then figured out a purpose, and it brought me joy. Lately I’ve been out of balance and lost my way. Frankly, I just need to follow my own advice. I have a mental health chapter in my book which details concepts and habits that I’ve let go to the back burner and stop making a priority. Practicing presence. Meditation. Yoga. Play music. Fabricating new interests and hobbies. Creating positive energy and optimism. Gratitude. If you, like me, have let these things take a back seat to the daily grind, you too likely feel unbalanced.
Realizing this is the case, I’m vowing to keep all the life balls juggling, while still learning new tricks AND, perhaps most importantly, get back to my roots and rekindle PASSION back in my life and marriage. Since our Sexcation back in December routine has crept back into my marital relations as well. Wife Holly is heavily vested into the work grind, and heavily invested in screen time on her phone, much to my dismay. Connection has taken a back seat to life. At least we’re aware of it, we talk about it, but it’s back to us to find that excitement again instead of vanilla sex and friendly embraces.
Knowing and realizing is the first step to correcting this type of shit, in marriage and in life. Don’t continue to accept a passionless existence. Don’t continue to hide or misplace your passion behind work, or alcohol, or an iPad. Find time to open your mind, and heart, and feel that life energy flow through you and guide you. Bring your wife or husband into your glow. Feed your kids from your fountain of peace and abundance, and fill you passion bucket back up again.
I’m patching the holes in my bucket, and will see you on the other side!