I thought somehow I made it through my daughter’s youth without any inclination towards dolls of any sort, a major coup. She showed no interest in them, instead choosing to do arts and crafts, Legos, and other projects of her own ilk. When she was maybe 4 years old, my MIL gave her an American Girl doll, but Birdsnest showed no real interest in it, and it sat on her dresser on the display stand for years. Then, one day maybe 5 months ago, she started being interested in it. Apparently some of her 3rd or (now) 4th grade girl friends had some and they played with them on play dates and talked about them at recess. That’s cool. She already had a doll and wasn’t asking really for anything more – no clothes, no accessories, no kitchenette, no horsie, nothing.
But now, this Christmas season, dear daughter of mine REALLY wants a new doll. Now I knew nothing about these things, thought they were maybe $30. I was way off. So after seeing what the deal was, we’ve already told her she’s not getting one, $120 for a doll! But I’m a sucker, and someone at work had a practically new one (very similar to her chosen one) for $60, so I pulled the trigger and it will be from Santa (yep, at 9 she believes, for not much longer I think, better make it count). That’s still a lot for a doll, but then, when I started looking at accessories, that’s about when I lost my shit, being an old miser that I am. For example, these accessories for a doll picnic:
Cute – three deviled eggs, some microwave popcorn, a sundae, ants on a log, and a couple of stuffed animals for the dolls to play with. This can be yours for the low, low price of $50. What!? $50 bucks for a few cents worth of plastic?! You can buy this nearly 4′ tall bear (below $35), and still have enough for two grand slam breakfasts at IHOP, along with your microwave popcorn. And who uses a rotary dial phone anymore? Puhlease.
Or what about this:
How can a doll go through such a tough life, without a day at the spa? Plus, you can start brainwashing your young daughter into the entitled princess she can become, complete with Mani-Pedi station and Cosmo magazine. This can be yours for only $110. My wife just went to a real overpriced spa on vacation for less than that shit.
Here comes my personal favorite. What does any future doll mariner need but a boat. Only $175.
I’ve bought rowboats and canoes, with oars or paddles, for less than that bullshit.
And after a long day at the spa, after boating of course, your American Girl doll can have a good night sleep in her new bed:
This one is only $175. Meanwhile, I got LoudBoy’s real bed, similar in the pullout nature of a second bed, for nearly the same price. Fuck that noise!
One of my coworker’s wife has a seasonal job at one of these doll companies’ call centers, and I’ve heard multiple stories of grandparents (presumably) with more money than brains, spending well over $1,000 on this crap. :HeadExplodes:
So she may get an off-brand outfit at Target instead to go with the new one, and that’s about it on the doll front. This shit is crazy, when you can buy real clothes or accessories for less than doll stuff, and I feel totally out of touch with reality after stumbling upon this bizzaro world recently. The Lego stuff is crazy expensive too, but our kids, and all the neighbor kids, will spend hours and hours year round building stuff, so that seems like a better deal at the end of the day and inspires building and engineering and creativity versus training of the next entitled princesses who’s goal is to acquire and consume.
Anyways, enjoy your dolls people, some are more useful than others.