I was walking Dum-Dum the dog tonight where the stars sparkled like diamonds. I had just received an e-mail at 9 pm (very late for our business) from a client (that I pretty-much hate) that covertly accused me of not making an outside vendor do, what an outside vendor said he was going to do – something out of my control. A bullshit (covert, and passive aggressive) accusation all around. Up to this point, I was having a great overall day, fun night with the kids, reading positive books, and in a very positive mood. That was briefly shattered, and why I really try not to check work e-mails at home.
So while I actually reflected on life, while Dum-Dum was pooping, I thought to myself (like I oftentimes do), “Why the Fuck do you Care what fuck-head thinks? You have a great life!” So true. As I pondered the 300 billion stars in our galaxy (even picking out a few constellations tonight, like the Big Dipper and Orion [so amateur]) I thought about how even the biggest problems in our own life, are so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, or the Universe.
Not to rain on those who are in a rough spot, but your Divorce pain will pass, and new beginnings are out there. Your job loss is likely super taxing and sucks immensely, but you will persevere in some way you didn’t think. Death is part of life – it’s very painful, but it will galvanize some other means within you. Not having the best week? Suck it up and try to stay positive.
If you look at the big picture (and I hope you do, at least from time to time – it doesn’t need to be God [though it very well could be], but something outside of you and a bigger aspect of society), you’ll see that A) your own problems will pass B) your own problems are not that significant in the Bigger Picture and C) As Bob Marley said, “everything little thing, gonna be all right.”
So as I see with friends and co-workers, how do the problems stop?
First, stop denying there is a problem. Being honest that your own drama brings about the crap in your life. It’s hard to say it’s your fault, but most of the times it is. Not other people. You.
Second. Once you admit you have an issue, start to develop small goals to deal with it. With my coaching clients, they may not consciously recognize the bigger issue, but despite that, they start setting and accomplishing small goals to improve the big picture so they can face their fears one day with their sea-legs underneath them. Until your problem is out there, you can’t make improvement though. Surrender to your weakness and be redeemed.
Third, fight and motivate yourself to make your goals happen. The perseverance and grit you show will instrumentally increase both your sense of accomplishment and your happiness. You can’t really taste and feel the glory of what a successful effort is if you haven’t slogged to Mordor to obtain it. Hard work is a large part of self fulfillment.
I will always have problems, and so will you. Mental reframing can help you see them in a different way, and hopefully let you find some shred of good in the situation. Like maybe your problem makes you a stronger person, or teaches you to handle conflict. In the grand scheme though, if you take a step back, you’re problem is probably not that big. I’m sure it’s big to you, but if you mentioned it to 10 random people, would they see it in the same magnitude you do? Probably not.
Stay strong my friends, and let your problems go. This too shall pass.