I was listening to one of Mike Dooley‘s books on a recent work trip, and I thought he put something I’ve been thinking in an interesting way that made sense. Hopefully you all realize by now that my outlook on life is a positive one. I think you can gain a lot of insight and knowledge mining the depths of the Manosphere especially if you’re struggling in a relationship gone sour and are looking for answers. But when you progress to a certain point in your life and relationships, the negativity gets to be a lot of dark noise, like watching the news on any given day. Prone to hyperbole and tending to focus on the bad instead of the good, it usually is good to just let it pass by without giving it undue attention to your individual situation – again, once you have the big elephants addressed and understand a few of the basic premises. I can tell others like Bold and Determined are trying to rise above the fray as well and focus more on life improvements. While I’ll mix it up from time to time, and throw some chum in the water, mostly I’m about positivity and improvement.
So, like an NFL team who is constantly trying to get better and churning over the players at the bottom of the roster, that’s what I believe most of us are trying to do with weak areas of our life. Maybe it’s mostly good, but you have that one or two things that you know aren’t where you’d like them to be yet. What’s really been interesting, is as I talk with other men about issues is how many are looking to find their passion or mission in life. I have heard the phrase “I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up” several times over the last few months from dudes around 40. To some degree, I have struggled with that as well.
Which brings me to the phrase I heard on that audiobook: ” Pitching to the Universe.” If you are trying to improve in your life, or find a partner, or find your passion and don’t know what it is, most of the time simply doing ANYTHING is the right answer. We aren’t sitting at home plate with our single At Bat in life, swinging for the home run. If that was the case, if you missed that one chance or opportunity, you would be SOL (shit out of luck). Most of us will never hit that home run. We won’t knock it out of the park. Instead, think of ourselves as the Pitcher of Opportunity, and simply the Universe as the hitter. By doing lots of little things (throwing a lot of pitches), you’ll likely see a lot of singles. Singles still drive in runs and pretty soon you’ve got a nice scoreboard to look at.
Not everything is going to work as you’re trying new things. Maybe that diet isn’t right for you. But by trying that diet you learn about Paleo or CrossFit, which does work to make you look and feel better. Or maybe that workout class ended up providing less than ideal results, or you decided it was too expensive. But by doing it you made a new friend that leads to another opportunity. Or maybe your first attempt at your side hustle doesn’t work, but by doing so your life takes a new direction and you find more passion and happiness. By continuing to throw pitches, you’re creating more opportunities to present themselves. And maybe one day, the need to churn the parts that cause you pain diminish and you’re passion can come out to play. The funny thing is, if you were to step back and look at your life right now, and compare it to say, 5 or 10 years ago, you will say “Holy shit! I really have made it! I may still strive for more, but man, I have an AWESOME life!” Appreciation. Gratitude. Don’t forget those things too.
I had lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while last week. We were both commiserating a little about our lack of feeling purpose or engagement in our current professional roles. But when I started telling him about this blog, and the book, and about my next “Big Thing” I have planned. In simply talking about some of my passions, I felt my spirit and energy rise and I instantly felt better. In doing my passions, I always feel great – both in the moment and afterward. I have a ways to go, but passion is seen more and more in my life.
I know I’m on the right path to finding my own purpose in this life. Starting this blog was one pitch I threw. Reading Athol Kay’s book was one pitch I threw. Reading a variety of books and engaging with some of you are pitches. Taking a boxing class was a pitch, as was rolling BJJ with a friend. Doing the Citizen’s Police Academy was a pitch. Even paying that extra $100-200 a month on my mortgage could be a pitch. A lot of singles, with questionable short-term purpose besides just doing something. The Red Pill in it’s entirety was probably a triple that drove in some runs. But all of these seemingly random pitches don’t really appear to be amounting to any one thing on the surface with any regularity, but taken together, they are galvanizing my life and opening up different thoughts in my head. That’s in addition to leading to new experiences and relationships which is a reward itself.
I’m not exactly sure yet how it will play out, but I do have a rough map in my head, and if it goes in a different direction, I’m sure it will turn out well too. For you too, you may question why you are signing up for a salsa class, or learning about photography on a whim, but you can’t see the future, and more than likely, these small, seemingly random, activities will be stepping stones to something more. So keep throwing pitches. Apathy and inactivity is the opposite of this approach, so do ANYTHING to keep moving. Happy Friday.