Any serious relationship needs teamwork to make the household run smoothly whether both parties work or not. Chores always need to be done. Toilets. Dishwasher. Making coffee in the morning. Mopping floors. Mowing the lawn. Gardening. Snow shoveling. Always lots of stuff.
What happens is, while no one likes doing chores, some likes a particular chore less than the other. As long as both parties end up equal at the end of the year, you’ll be ok. If you have a Lazy Bear spouse, that’s a different story. You need to address that shit head on. But let’s assume that’s not the case. If you end up hating unloading the dishwasher less than your wife, embrace that and don’t get all butt-hurt when she doesn’t do it. Instead, thank your stars she prefers to do the laundry, or whatever. Appreciate what you both bring to the table, talk about it, laugh about it and realize it’s cool. Don’t be so stubborn in gender roles you can’t recognize your wife is better at some more masculine stuff than you and you are better at bathing the kids or getting them settled down. It’s all good. Seriously.
For example. I absolutely hate, HATE, gardening and landscaping stuff. A remnant of having to weed and take care of my parent’s garden when I was a kid. So my wife actually enjoys gardening, planning a garden, planting and all that shit. Thank God! I get to enjoy healthy and fresh food (which I do love) without having to do that work. Her, my MIL and another friend spent a lot of time today planting our garden and some new landscaping that will yield long-term results. Meanwhile, I made dinner (bacon cheeseburgers on the grill and mashed sweet potatoes), did dishes and cleaned up. Also got the kids bathed and settled before they wrapped up for the night.
This is typical. Mrs. AMD isn’t exactly a clean freak. I’m much more particular about clutter and have accepted that (hoarding parents will sometimes do that to people). The past resentment I used to hold on these issues (which I felt were unfair) has gone away once I realized and saw what she brought to the table. She takes on the big projects (reorganize the closets, kid’s rooms, basement) and I take care of most of the day-to-day shit. Unless you want to end up like my parents (clutter everywhere) you need both sides of the equation. Oh, I LIKE mowing the lawn and Holly likes gardening so on the outside of the house it is all good too.
Teamwork. However you split up your chores, everyone plays their part or resentment will likely occur. If you feel like you are doing more than your fair share, after you’ve looked at what your partner brings (big picture stuff like my wife, or child care or chauffeur duties, money or whatever else) then bring it up. Learn to appreciate each other but don’t be a doormat if it really is inequitable. A long-term relationship, marriage and family needs all hands on deck, not just yours. But recognize everyone contributes in their own way and your kids can also contribute more than you think too. Birdsnest (8) does her own laundry already (washing, drying, putting it away) as well as putting dishes into the dishwasher. LoudBoy at least puts his dishes by the sink and cleans his room (and Legos). Teamwork-that is family and marriage obligations for the modern family, however you may define your own roles, is important to lessen the burden on any individual and for the good of the clan. Don’t shy away from your duty or allow allow your loved ones to shy away from theirs. All for one and one for all.