We get used to managing the stress of everyday life after awhile. Work, kids, activities, cooking, dishes, cleaning, laundry, lawn work, obligations, holidays. But every once in awhile the train goes off the fucking tracks. Maybe a death of a pet, or a family member or close friend. Maybe your kid ends up with a diagnosed illness or a newly noted special needs. Maybe you lose your job or get into a bad accident. Maybe you have to care for an aging parent. Regardless of what the actual cause is, you or your wife end up in a mental nose dive and a major funk or depression sets in. Whether it’s you or the other person, dealing with this added issue or issues is tough.
Right now Holly is in a tough spot mentally. She hasn’t met her high expectations at her job (been there a year or so) thus far; gloomy, cold and rainy weather is killing any outdoor activities and delaying gardening, one of the things she really enjoys; but the big thing is a physical injury that will require surgery. It’s very painful at times and limits what she can do physically, which carries over into every other area of her life. As an athlete and someone who used physical exercise to keep her body looking good, mentally she’s really hurting and her body image is suffering too. It is hard as a spouse of someone who is wallowing in self-pity and suffering from physical and mental health issues. You want to help the person pull out of the nose dive, but they have to do it themselves. You can support and recommend things, but often they aren’t simply able to cope with your message no matter how supportive it was intended.
That’s where I’m at today. My wife seems on the verge of tears any time I see her, it’s really sad and I feel helpless in my ability to help her. But I try and be her rock, take care of what needs to be done, give her a shoulder to cry on and be her cheerleader. There’s not much else I can do when someone is lost in their own head and issues. The surgery will be a good thing to take away pain, but then there is recovery and all that. A blip on the radar screen of life is the reality of the situation, but when you’re in that blip currently, life can be a struggle.
That’s where we’re at these gloomy, rainy spring days. Things will turn around like they always do. We need to remember to really enjoy and celebrate the good times, being grateful for all we have because you never know when things will get rough.