We’re coming off a craptastic winter and are all going a little stir crazy. We get outside occasionally for sledding or ice skating or snow forts, but we’re not very big winter enthusiasts. This winter was especially cold and my whole family and I just sort of hunkered down. We didn’t go out as much, or see friends as much, just sort of dialed it down. Working on various projects kept us busy, but around each other a lot. Finally, this recently culminated with me getting sick and couch surfing for four days, being a slug. My wife then was giving me subtle and not so subtle signs I needed to offer more excitement and leadership and get out more with my outside interests.
One night, a little tipsy from some wine, we were just sort of bantering and she just blurted out “you’re a lot stronger now, you should do jiu jitsu again!” Totally random. It was both a compliment (me being stronger and because of that she was implying that I would be better and more competitive) and a slap, since to me it was apparent that I wasn’t bringing the alpha in my recent (lack of) activities. Now, my old gym, which I loved, just is not conducive to our current life due to location and classes, so that’s out. But I took her comment to heart. That, coupled with the remarks about my slugdom when sick, is inspiring me to get my ass moving again. I’m going to be doing a ridealong with a local police officer (a follow-on from my citizen’s academy I did last fall) and will be starting a fundamentals of boxing class in April. This is in addition to my regular running and lifting workouts (which I’ve also added in Nerd Fitness’s 60 day challenge of starting with 10 pushups, pullups and lunges and every day adding one more rep so the last day you’re doing 70 of each). I’m also putting the pieces in place to take hunter’s safety with my brother and to go deer hunting this fall with my father- and brother-in-laws.
If I didn’t have such a finely tuned to what I now know is a sign of yearning for mystery, space and more masculinity, the few comments my wife made could have been easily dismissed. Instead, I recognized it for what it was – she wanted me to be more Alpha and get my mojo back. This winter our sex frequency has dropped, primarily due to my lack of general aggressiveness and playfulness. Call it the winter blahs or Vitamin D deficiency or seasonal depression. It’s left a void in my personality and subsequently in our relationship. After setting a new standard, I believe it is pretty apparent to both of us when we downshift like this. Before the Red Pill, this blah slug wimpy behavior probably would have continued, which was how it started a long slow decline earlier in our marriage. That’s why learning married game and the Red Pill, even if later in marriage, is so important. To be able to recognize signals that your wife wants more Alpha, or some more excitement to give her the tingles or to hold you in high regard. You won’t see her tell you overtly, since she probably doesn’t even know herself why her feelings toward you are being colored slightly, so you’ll need to pay close attention when she’s quietly asking for “more.”
It’s no wonder to me wives don’t get turned on by their husbands if the husbands don’t have masculine activities. Even with strong leadership and a patriarchal dynamic in the house, without masculine hobbies you still are just another type of provider. You still help out with housework and the kids and all that, but until you perform some athletic competition (not a 5k either, think Tough Mudder or martial arts) or get greasy working on the Red Dragon or bring home a deer carcass to your suburban neighborhood, you’re just another guy. Your probably a great and well-respected accountant or something, and you’ve got a great thing going, but it’s probably not that exciting.
So guys, be aware for the subtle signs your wife wants more Alpha (especially, but don’t forget lacking in the Beta can be just as bad if you suck at money, chores or comfort). Get out of the house with men. Go to the shooting range or reel in some fish. Rock out some Metallica and do some heavy fucking deadlifts. Bring it up a notch. She also probably wants it rougher and more exciting in the bedroom too, and masculine hobbies makes it easier to see you in such a light where she’d want to be dominated by you. Take this time to get back into shape, bust out of the winter bullshit and kick some ass during the coming summer and fall. Time to turn the page to springtime brochachos.