I hesitated to write this since I believe any website that promotes being a good man, husband and father and is targeted directly at men is usually better than not having this venue to share ideas and thoughts. I only recently stumbled upon The Good Men Project (TGMP) [yeah, I know, I’m way behind the times as it launched back in 2010 or 2011] and I’ll share my thoughts. Where the ‘sphere is the harsh, hard edged truth, TGMP packages up warm fuzzies and happy thoughts in a mostly positive vibe, and because of that the message is often weak sauce and hard to find any nuggets of any use at all. The cliches of what it takes to be a man are interwoven frequently with some thoughts that may be of use to some. To me it mostly reads like betas leading betas.
First it is fairly well read, pretty close in unique visitors and page views to Return of Kings if you are to believe both websites advertising info (about 600-650k unique visitors and 2-3 million page views per month). They layout of TGMP website is really a shotgun approach that leaves my eyes and brain sore. TGMP certainly has a lot of content, which is both good and bad. Their submission policy is simply it needs to be an article with men as the audience, and the message in general is about making boys and men better. Noble goals, but you’re getting advice from all types; men and women, gays and lesbians on various topics. But what happens is that for every gem of insight on the complexity of men and how to best be masculine in this fem-dominated culture there’s three articles on how to be a better Beta. Rarely do the key aspects of masculinity and leading your family (leadership, being in shape, building skills and confidence) that we take for granted get put out there in a way that men may actually learn something.
After about 5 minutes of looking at articles it was apparent to me this was filtered either intentionally or unintentionally to be feminist and woman friendly, despite being intended for men. Take this gem for example, from the article What Do You Do When Your Wife Tells You She is Not in Love with You. And Doesn’t Want to Be (written by a dude married 15 years):
My beloved wants to be surprised with gifts more often, taken out for a special meal (one that I had planned, not just us going out for dinner together on the spur of the moment), stop being so grumpy, and have more fun and lightness when we are home together. I pause and think for a second, then, “OK, I can do that.” And I saw in that moment that even though the flame of passion still burned in me, for my partner the wick was glowing but not lit.
Fortunately, she had given me the match (what to do) and now it was up to me to strike and re-kindle the flame. Somehow, maybe because her love was so evident, I was able to take this as a joyous challenge. I did not feel threatened anymore nor did I need her to be in the same place I was about being, “in love.”
Ok, who calls their wife their “beloved?” I like how it’s all about what he can do for her to make her fall back in love. Some dude hamster rationalization here as he’s chasing after her.
Or you find the anti-Captain-First Officer model in the article True Equality
And so we get to a place where she is center stage in my world, and I love the view from the front row seats. And I am center stage in hers, and she loves the view. It’s not the same as a guest appearance in each other’s spotlight. A brief sharing, or a feature performance by a visiting artist. It’s the real deal.
My goal is to find a place where my fulfilling marriage is my wife’s fulfilling marriage. I can only find that place by letting go completely and redefining my world as one in which she is fulfilled. Not “also fulfilled” – just “fulfilled”. The “also” is up to her. Completely.
Nothing against supporting each other, but sounds like he is putting his wife on the pedestal, and we all know how well that marriage structure usually works, but maybe an egalitarian marriage works for them.
After writing most of this post, I looked around a little and apparently, others have come to similar conclusions.
Jack Donovan writes about how a female publisher takes the wind out of the masculine sails in his post How discussions about men end up being about what women want from men
The SoCraddock Method blog writes about how the blog tenor changed since founder Tom Matlack left (as he got into some battles with feminazis that made the blog look bad so he stepped down). He writes:
Tom Matlack, the founder of the Goon Men Project has since left the blog. I’m glad he did. The current blog is filled with female writers writing pieces about things women would like to read. It also seems to be filled with commentary that you might find in female centered publications. Before Tom decided to leave, he wrote a piece called Being a Dude is a Good Thing. I applaud him for writing it and standing up to those who have a problem with masculinity.
Anyways, if you can get around the cluttered web design, and navigate around articles written by lesbians (for a man’s website) and maybe click on articles that have some value to supplement what you’re learning here and in the ‘sphere, it may be a time-wasting landing spot. You could probably do worse, even though most of the content is tepid by comparison of what you read on the Hawaiian Libertarian blogroll. I will say they have a lot of fathering articles which is something that are tougher to find around this neck of the woods. They focus on life, love, marriage and self improvement in different softer ways, which I think for most will only improve things so far. Anyways, glad to see there is other websites that help men figure out life, even if it focuses on things different than this corner. I may see if I can infiltrate with some Red Pill article submissions, but am wondering if this is even worth the effort or if the blue-pill men who subscribe would get anything out of it.