I’m closing in on 40 fast and while I’m not there yet, I can say with certainty that being this age kicks my version of 25’s ass. Now maybe you were some entrepreneurial wiz like Tim Ferriss, or a brilliant blogger like Danger & Play or Bold and Determined who kicked major ass by 25. Many of the rest of us were coming up for air after college, only a few years into our carreers and mostly wasting our free time not doing anything too exciting. We didn’t have the money to travel to far off places to do amazing things. We were paying off credit card debts and student loans trying to find some passion in our life and setting us up for success later. I got married at 25, we had just gotten a fixer-upper first home and were just starting out. Maybe you dated and partied your way through your 20’s, but besides putting in human capital at work and perhaps laying humans, what did you really get accomplished.
Fast forward now a decade and a half, and all the experience that comes with that. You hear the expression of “if I only knew then what I know now…” and after you’re an old gray-beard, you realize it is true. At 25 I was wasteful of both money and time, not investing too much in myself with the resources I had, and generally thought I knew it all. At nearly 40, the direction of my life is much more refined and focused, my time is invested wisely in both myself and family activities and my wife and I are on a mission both in our personal and professional lives to kick major ass. That passion for life, and the direction wasn’t there before, and that is probably the biggest change that experience and life wisdom has made for us.
My early relationship with my wife was a little up and down, as was our sex life back then. Blue pill to the extreme, I was about 60% of the man I am today. The perspective on relationships, both with men and women, as well as my personal structural items (appearance, hobbies, leadership) was much different as a younger man. I wasn’t working out, was smoking, and really only just started endurance stuff around that time. Deferring mostly to my wife on decisions, geographically somewhat isolated, I didn’t establish many activities or friendships outside the small circle that was home. Changes that have occurred in just the last few years have been significant – more muscle and therefore more physically impressive to my wife and other women (such as neighbors who comment on my muscles, sometimes right in front of Holly), more leadership in our house, better and more consistent child discipline, better diet, better sex life (than age 25 for sure), better financial house, more established and high trajectory in career path. Better yet, some side projects going on that have added a new dimension to our lives.
Holly was very insistent that we have our first child before turning 30, and Birdsnest was born when we were both 29 with Loudboy at 31. If we waited like many do until later in our 30’s, we probably would have continued to “waste” our time and energy on self-centered endeavors that added not much real value to our lives. Instead, we had the benefit of having kids still somewhat young, which by age 40 they’re still in the Wonder Years as I call them (with Birdsnest nearing early adolescence, just around the corner) full of sweetness and wonder and really just great kids open to any possibility in life. Having them at this age has also allowed them to benefit from my wife and I’s growth as a couple and individually. They have different perspective on diet and nutrition than most, have been exposed to a variety of sports and musical opportunities, and are now in a neighborhood with lots of kids (which we couldn’t have afforded earlier in our lives). In general, the timing of our kids have allowed them to get a good mix of natural living (growing a garden, camping) and suburban life (summer camp, swimming pools, activities) while we’re still energetic and full of youthful vigor ourselves.
If I had advice to give to a 25 year old today (especially one that’s already in a relationship or married), it would be to not waste time fucking around with stuff that doesn’t matter and focus daily on self-improvement, including big picture stuff. Not happy with your job or career path? Figure out how to change that, don’t waste a decade talking about going back to school like one of our friends. There is no time like the present as it never gets any easier to find the time. Also, spread the knowledge of the Red Pill with regards to intergender relationships and figure out the lies we were fed as youth (being nice equals people/women will like me). Try lots of new things to find that passion in your life that drives you to higher places and to be a better human. Lift heavy weights, take care of your body, keep your wife attracted to you, have lots of sex and don’t be afraid to have babies earlier than you think. Despite the work, they do bring a joy to your life that can’t be fathomed, but make sure you (and preferably your wife) understand the pitfalls that can succumb from kids as you spiral towards 40 (letting yourself go and letting your wife lead the family are two of the biggest) – which goes back to the Red Pill and structural books for the married man like No More Mr Nice Guy, The Mindful Attraction Plan and The Married Man Sex Life Primer.
Being young can be awesome if you can take advantage of it, but many squander the time and money instead of harnessing that energy and accelerating awesomeness. I am thankful that I stumbled upon the Red Pill (it all started with a comment that Keoni posted or got lifted for another blog about his own experiences with his marriage, I wish I still had the link, it is similar to this that started it all for me) before it was too late, and hopefully you have as well. Hope you all find more greatness and appreciation in life as you get older as well, otherwise it’s just another lost opportunity spent absorbing artificial light in front of a screen.