I’ve talked before about our close friend Swarley and his marital troubles:
It’s rare that you get to be a close spectator to these events, and seeing it now through Red lenses for a “normal” couple who get’s divorced is interesting…to see a regular dude get ILYBNILWY speech as not just a story on Athol’s blog. My brother got divorced a few years back, but that one was a complete clusterfuck with infidelity, about 40 kids, alcoholism, blue-pill stuff, job loss, money issues and the whole works, so it isn’t really a good example of what a frivorce is really like.
To give you a few bullets of Swarley’s marriage:
- Married roughly 14 years
- One kid
- Wife was the primary breadwinner – worked in a high power internal position in a large international firm, traveled internationally for work
- Swarley is a good dude and a genius to boot, but like many genius-level dudes, gets bored easily and sort of drifted in his passions and job as no job fulfilled him enough. Eventually became a SAHD for awhile.
- Seemed like an ok marriage, wife was the driving force and controlled much of what was going on in that family – Swarely coordinated many of the recreational activities
- About a year ago, wife started getting all kinky and bedroom crazy, then all of a sudden sex just stopped cold. We all think some emotional or physical affair was going on that got her all hot and bothered, but no confirmation. Swarley blue-pilled it up at this point and became more of a lap dog to try and convince her to stay. Obviously didn’t work. Six months later they were getting separated with wife moving out.
- They both agreed in concept of how they would split up assets like home equity, retirement accounts and money; how they would share kid custody, and in general sounded amicable enough.
- Divorce papers finally served in the last couple of weeks
Our friend really, really struggled with this. His wife had already processed the ejection so was emotionally cold about the whole thing. Ole Swarles was pretty torn down and depressed. Prior to the separation, he started hanging out with one of Holly’s good friends, a late 20-something single gal. She’s witty, funny and cute, but admittedly a little needy. They then were together almost all the time when the kid time wasn’t needed. Conflicted and struggling, Swarley made it clear to Holly’s girlfriend that he didn’t want anything physical until after the separation and maybe even the divorce, as that would really complicate matters in his head and he didn’t want to lead ole girl along. Meanwhile, sexual tension galore, and despite a make out session or three, Swarely was good to his word. He’s a good catch, and will be swimming in younger hot women when he gets his mind around, and while this girl was totally DTF, he left it alone and finally broke whatever loose arrangement they had off when she got a little too jealous for a non-relationship.
Anyways, old boy finally gets served papers by his wife. Low and behold, the agreement is nothing like they discussed. She, or her lawyer, offered him about half of what an equitable offer would have been. The roles here are reversed, remember, as she was the big money maker, and he didn’t work as much so he could be involved with child rearing more. When this came down, he was pretty pissed, and lawyered up with a family law attorney that I’ve known since grade school. Will be interesting to see how it all shakes out.
It is interesting to see a man who’s only been with one woman for the last decade and a half get reintegrated into the dating scene again. Last week he went out with his friends, and apparently had a good time. He asked us if “Are all young women this kissy these days?” and then proceeded to tell us he got his dick sucked later that night. Good for him. It’s been nearly a year since he’s gotten laid and that’s got to wear on a man. We’re hoping he finally starts to get over the bitterness over his soon to be ex-wife, and at least finally lets the relationship go. For a long time he held out hope that they would be able to patch things up.
So we’re there for the dude. He’s hanging in there, and hopefully turning a corner. It gives my wife and I some good talking points, as we both see things from a different perspective than most blue-pillers. We tried to give him advice when he still had a chance, and instead he lap-dogged it. While nothing is every 100%, at this stage of life, I feel my wife and I don’t need to worry at all about our relationship. We’re both constantly evaluating ourselves and our marriage, trying to patch up weak spots, deal with conflict head on instead of passive-aggressively, and communicate much more and much better now. Seeing someone close go through a divorce sort of acts like a cautionary tale that even when things look ok on the outside, if you aren’t building your moat, you may still end up on the wrong side of the divorce table from your spouse.
I’m sure Swarley will have some more entertaining tales of getting back into the dating scene with women nearly half his age. Should be an interesting journey for him as he figures this chapter of his life out.