Random summer topic here.
I was listening to the Elvis Duran show this morning, and they were talking about the summer fling. I caught a couple of stories from two different women. They both got involved with “bad boys”, and apparently both involved in hot affairs. One of the men flingers “liked fighting” and was headed to the pokey, the other must have mellowed out as they ended up having a kid together and got married. We don’t really see this summer fling as grown up adults, even single ones, unless you live in a vacation town or the whole vibe of your town shifts during the summer. Captain Power talks some on his blog about the Jersey shore and teachers and other summer-friendly topics (like drinking and sex), so I do acknowledge some parts of the country and some professions do experience a change of attitude over the summer leading to summer romances.
But summer flings are much more frequent in college students and those younger years when you may still be trolling for college girls home for the summer. I’ve had a few summer flings during those times, and my attitude during those times has been very different than how I normally behave in day to day life. Coming home or renting an apartment in a city for just the summer makes it so you feel like a visitor, even if it’s your home town. The summer job is just that, a job; and as soon as quitting time comes it’s spending time with your friends, drinking, and having a good time until you are forced to go to bed so you peel yourself off the ground the next day to repeat the process. As a result, you feel more care free, have sort of a high-on-life attitude and don’t really give two-shits about anything.
As a direct result of this behavior, you become more attractive than you would as the nice guy who all the girls are friends with at college. After my freshman year, I came home back to my high school girlfriend (:puke:), that lasted a few weeks before I broke up with her. My goal for the rest of the summer was to hang with my friends, get high on pot, drink some beers and have fun. I ended up in a summer fling with an acquaintance who was on the periphery of a group of friends who I knew well. My behavior wasn’t asshole, as that’s not the game I ran at any point, but was all about confidence in myself and moving things fast. The summer fling doesn’t have the benefit of building comfort and taking things slow, so my standard MO was out the door. We hung out a fair amount that summer, had fun, but she wasn’t a real priority in my life so I had that aloof dude attraction. And it wasn’t like I knew what I was doing either, I just sort of had that attitude that summer, perfect summer fling behavior though. Accidental Alpha though it was. After that summer, there was some correspondence, but things fizzled out quickly as we were both in different cities.
Another summer I subletted an apartment with 3 other friends. Most of the money from my summer internship went towards going out or having beers on our porch as a variety of people cycled into and out of our lives. One of those was a girl I knew when I was an RA in the dorms. She was one of the freshmen who I was in charge of (co-ed dorm floor), so I was automatically elevated on the social ladder going into that relationship. Couple that with my summer attitude of living large and it resulted in a short-burning affair when we had the opportunity to get together. I ended it when she got a little to clingy for my tastes, carried that alpha attitude to another girl a week or three later who I was crushing on. Had new girl back to the crib as a “sure thing” but my nice-guy beta-self decided to come out of hibernation at the most inopportune moment and derailed that train HARD. One of those times in my life where any observer would justifiably have performed the double-face-palm.
Back to school after that summer it was the same old pining for a girlfriend nice-guy thing, friend-zoned and doing the patience game. Why I was able to temporarily act different during these few summers I’m not sure. Being away from “home” and in a new environment probably took me out of my comfort zone so my behavior changed as well. Something that was consistent not only during the summer but other environments as well. I met my wife Holly on a college field trip and again behaved differently than if I had met her in another environment. I threw rocks at her and parlayed back sarcasm instead of playing the beta-nice guy game that was so standard to me.
As a grown-up dude, with a family now, summer flings aren’t realistic anymore, but we can take that change in scenery with us on vacation and hopefully remember to up the attitude and confidence when the time is right. We had our local community fair recently, complete with carnival rides, beer tent and the 80’s cover band at night. Lots of peacocking by the local guys, attitude a-plenty trying to impress the local ladies, girlfriends and wives. People having fun, enjoying the night, positive energy abound. I’m sure it set the plate for lots of fun times later that night.
Ah.. summer lovin’…