Most of this is actually a repost from my old blog from nearly a year ago. Still pertains to today. It seems like we’re in the middle of summer birthday party season and I fucking hate kid birthday parties. I got out of a double-header birthday party just a couple weeks ago when I had to test drive and prepare for purchase of a new car.
We have lots of nieces and nephews and friends of our kids who have birthday parties that invites everyone in class and I inevitably get dragged along. They either invite all extended members of the family or in some way, shape or form my wife feels obligated for us to attend. These parties always fucking suck.
Example 1: Party for elementary school kid, party is boring, kids running around like maniacs, only activity for the kids include a $1 cheap-ass kite to fly when there’s barely a breeze. This was a genius idea, really fun running around in a field trying to get the kite to stay up for more than 10 seconds. Food was non-existent. Kids oscillated from boredom to finding their own random activities.
Example 2: This one was slightly better, there was at least food and beverages. Water party in the parents backyard with kiddie pool and sprinkler. Kids are a mix between bratty and insane, I stay on the deck nursing a cheap beer and talking to our SIL’s sister. When I get off the deck to help my kid with something some punk get’s me with a bucket of water on my clothes and phone. Then, my sensitive kid is having fun with a super-soaker type water cannon, and sprays some kids (in their swimming suits mind you) and get’s berated and yelled at and ends up crying. I take my son, fill the super soaker back up with water and spray those whining brats and tell them to enjoy the splash party and to stop whining about getting wet – you’re wearing swimsuits. My son smiled from ear-to-ear and felt vindicated.
Most other parties are ill-planned fests where you need to keep an eagle eye on your kid to keep them out of trouble, with crappy food, soda and so forth. I felt so dirty after a Chucky Cheese party a couple of years ago I wanted to hose our family down with bleach. We’re very particular about our nutrition and children’s behavior. Our kids are inevitably the best behaved of the group, but you get them in with a group of asylum children and they act accordingly to some degree. Yeah, I don’t really like most other kids, no offense to other parents out there. I have no desire to “keep an eye” on your brat, entertain them, feed them, etc. Most lack respect, manners and are already establishing an entitlement syndrome. I’ll also admit that my own darlings drive me crazy half the time, but I love them and can overlook their kidness. I guess maybe I should change my name to Average Grumpy Dad, because I have a feeling I’m not alone in some of these frustrations.
Now lest you think I bring the pain to other moms and dads, our own children’s b-day parties consist a couple of kids with small planned activities, beverages for any adults that show up, and low key affair instead of a dozen crazed lunatics running around like the last half a-dozen kid parties I’ve been to have been. LoudBoy’s party is actually at our neighborhood pool and all with the exception of a couple cousins m, the few kids who are attending are neighbors who he sees every day. Easy peasy.
Good luck to those other parents who have to go through this shit. I think the next one I’m feigning an illness. At least they are becoming more “drop your kid off” and leave parties now that they’re older. The family ones are usually the worst since you feel semi-obligated to go and they SUUUUCCKK usually.
Happy 4th of July today folks!