The seed idea for posts come from all different places. Other bloggers, news stories, personal experiences, experiences of friends and family, and even entertainment can all plant that small seed that grows into a little bit of an “A-Ha!” moment that makes you see things in a different light and something that others may find value in. I listen to a lot of books on CD from our library, and right now I’m finishing up Mindy Kaling (writer/actress probably best known for The Office and her new show)’s book that’s also read by her.
I’ve read other books by women in entertainment (Chelsea Handler and Tina Fey) and Mindy seems to have pretty traditional values. She grew up in a home with a doctor mom and architect dad and who’s parents stayed together and made personal sacrifices to be involved in their children’s life (and do the little things like make breakfast, lunch and dinner) despite challenging professions. She admittedly doesn’t do one night stands or sleep around and hopes for a solid marriage at some point in the future (she’s 34 now I think).
She discusses briefly marriage in her book, and she brings up a few things I never really thought about in the way she paints it. In her opinion, to be happily married, at a minimum you need to be “Pals” and have some common activities in which you bond over. She uses the example of her parents love of gardening, but also says it could be over playing on a recreational softball team or watching favorite shows together. Obviously we here in the ‘sphere know that there is much more than this, but I agree that many marriages this is what it ends up boiling down to (if the rest of the dynamic is solid). Being able to enjoy time with your spouse in common activities and just be yourself. What was also interesting is that she says “Pals” and specifically notes they aren’t “Best Friends”. Her dad has no interest in discussing shopping or emotions or whatever and her mom’s best girl-friend takes on that role. Goes to show it’s important to have same sex friends so that guys can discuss farts and dirty jokes and women can talk shopping and gossip about the other women at the gym without totally boring their spouse.
The other thing I never really thought about was how us married people are setting an example by how we present ourselves and our marriage to single people, and how if we have a solid marriage we have something that is really special that others are striving for. I “get” that men in the ‘sphere, including some of my readers I’m sure, aren’t really looking to get married especially after seeing how the deck is stacked against men in this regard. However, if you can cut out a solid and loving marriage with lots of sexy time and trust and love one another, it really is a testament to what marriage can be like. If you’re constantly bitching about your spouse, or talking about “hard” marriage is, or how much work it takes how do you think that looks to outsiders? If you’re being playful or flirty with your spouse, maybe holding hands or giving each other the eyes from across the table, that reflects totally differently on what a marriage can be. If you’re happy with who you’re with, I say set a good example so perhaps your single co-worker or church person you’re friends with can see there are couples who can have fun happy marriages instead of being in a grind of one. But be sure to carry yourself in a Red Pill way, that is, if you’re a man, be the Captain and wife’s, don’t be a nag or beat down your husband verbally (we have a couple of friends where the wife totally puts her husband down constantly in public and the husband just takes it – bad example of marriage dynamics).
I’m not here to be a ra-ra cheerleader for marriage, as there are a lot of ups and downs. But like my parents who’ve been married 40 years, you can set a good example by simply weathering these ups and downs together, keeping the fires stoked and having a fun time with your wife or husband while trusting they’ll be there through the ups and downs. I like to think Holly and I are ambassadors to what a marriage can be. We were recently out with friends who we know fairly well but haven’t known for super long (meaning they don’t know how dirty we can be). Somehow we got on the subject of how our dog was in heat, and I made some joke about how both Dum-Dum and I enjoy the “doggystyle” position. The joke totally caught them off-guard as up to that point they didn’t realize that we’ve got a solid enough relationship, and are comfortable enough with each other to make sex jokes with friends. Holly may have blushed a little but she laughed (instead of doing the shocked and awed witch reaction that would have made it look like I’m an ass instead of the cocky-funny husband who likes to sex up his wife).
So if you’ve got it, flaunt it. If you don’t, keep that positive attitude and strive for something better.