If you haven’t already, check out Lift-Run-Bang. It’s mostly about lifting and healthy living but has a lot of Red Pill wisdom.
His post from earlier this week: Promises, Promises passes on this nugget:
1. The check is in the mail
2. I will love you forever
3. I’m from the government and I’m here to help.
These are the three biggest lies ever told, or so the joke goes.
Later in the post, he adds these rules about how to break the cycle of getting hurt, being a person of integrity and doing the right thing:
1. Don’t make decisions when angry.
This is what gets us in “I’m sorry” mode and “please forgive me” mode. The best way to avoid this all together is not to make a statement or decision about any relationship or problem, when you’re pissed off. Especially when both of you are, because often times, you’re just looking for an easy answer and the other person isn’t supplying it. That’s because they are pissed off too. As the saying goes “cool heads prevail”. Let your head cool before you decide to make a choice, or break a promise.
2. Never go to bed angry.
Even if you have to put your problems aside, try to NOT go to bed angry at someone or let them do the same. A simple text or message of “look, we’re not getting this done right now and I want to make it right. Can we talk in the morning?” is usually enough.
3. Let a wound heal
For those of you who fall into the “I like to beat a dead horse” category when comes to arguing, this is for you. Most people who do this, do so because they really want resolution immediately but aren’t patient enough to let it happen naturally. So they pick and pick and pick and pick, but the problem is, sometimes you have to leave a scab alone for a while before it can really heal. The same goes for emotional scabs. You need to sometimes back off, and not “talk it to death” in order to let that wound heal. A rule of thumb that worked well for Tiff and I, was if we had an ongoing issue, we could only discuss it for 30 minutes at a certain time each day. Sounds strange, but it REALLY works. And it works fast. If you’re a beat a horse to death kinda arguer, give it a try.
4. Be cool, don’t be an asshole.
This one is harder to apply at times because again, as your emotions get the better of you. Don’t let your demons make choices that your angels will have to pay for later. I’m always reminded of that scene in Pulp Fiction where Jules keeps telling the dude in the breakfast place “tell that bitch be cool! Say “bitch be cool!””
We usually try to obey these rules and have implemented Rule 2 pretty often, hashing out our issues and generally resulting in some resolution at the expense of sleep. However, the other day Holly was super grumpy (just one of those days) and I went to bed a little mad that she was grumpy (and taking it out on everyone) and slept like shit. Wish I would have done things differently but that was a blip on the radar, and still a reinforcement of the lesson.
Have a good Friday. I’m still pretty buried but have posts in the works.