I’ll preface this by saying that if you’re happy being a shaggy bastard, and your wife or girlfriend likes a manbear, then this post may not apply to you. For everyone else, you may disagree with some of this, but at least consider what I’m telling you here. We’ll start from the top and work down.
I’ve found there’s a pretty big difference between cutting my hair myself and going to SuperCuts TM or going to an actual stylist. I got pretty good at that with just a mirror and some clippers like this:
but I’m sure it was a little rough around the edges, so to speak. However, the clippers paid for itself quickly and this method was the most economical. I’ve gone to SuperCuts, or equivalent, a few times and always came away feeling a little cheap, like shopping at Wal-Mart. Quality was ok, but I never loved the hair cuts I got there though the price was right. For the last several years I’ve been going to a “Stylist”. That’s a fancy way for someone who cuts your hair can charge you $35 (or more). However, compared to the “Meat and Potatoes” style hair cut or bowl cut done by SuperCuts, the stylist cuts usually look good on me. They add some texture and I’m able to wear it conservative for work as well as make it look preppy-messy by just adding a little “product”.
Now I am very particular about my hair product. Gel just hardens and looks shitty unless you want to go for the slick back look. Hairspray and moose haven’t touched my hair since Junior High, so that leaves stuff that doesn’t harden and you can use to just stay in place while still remaining pliable. I’ve only had two products that I’ve really liked. One is by Bumble and Bumble called Sumo Tech (See below, click through to Amazon to see more info, the reviews there are all pretty positive..interesting to see I’m not the only one who thinks this is Da Shit):
It’s expensive, but if you’re like me, and don’t use it every day, it seems to last forever. I’ve had this little jar for well over a year. I suppose if you’re an everyday user it may last a couple months or so, depends how much you use I guess.
The only other product I really, truly liked was TIGI’s Bed Head Wax Stick. Though I haven’t used it for awhile, it was super easy to put on, was soft and pliable though more waxy than the Sumo Tech. Imaging taking your deodorant stick and rubbing it on your head. Application was that simple. It’s also cheaper than the Sumo Tech, and would recommend it (again, click through for more info/reviews):
Ok, consider your mop now under control.
I have big fucking eyebrows. They are tall and bushy and if I’m not careful stray hairs and bushy brows dominate my face. I didn’t really care when that happened, and was always careful to make sure a unibrow didn’t appear through shaving the middle. However, Holly wasn’t a fan of my Eugene Levy-esque brows:
To get these giant caterpillars under control, I had to have them waxed. Yes, I wax my brows a few times a year. The gal who does this also styles my hair. She leaves them as masculine as a waxed eyebrow can get and nice and big, but less unruly and gets rid of the stray hairs. Once waxed, they need regular maintance so I’ve now I’ve got something like this for week to week care to minimize the stray hair pop up:
Waxing your brows and plucking gives me much more appreciate for what ladies do to look good for us.
I’m sure your nose itself is fine, but I’m guessing if you’re even moderately hairy nose hairs may be an issue. Take care of those with any old battery powered nose hair clipper ever week or every other week. If not, it looks like a hairy tarantula is living up there. Not a pleasant site to see those hairs blowing in the wind as you’re giving her your “O” face..Oh, Oh, Ohhhhh!!! [and she’s thinking “those nose hairs are disgusting!”].
I’m sure your facial hair is fine. If you like beards, check out this great blog which chronicles a man’s journey towards trying out all styles of beard:
In general though, however you wear it from clean shaven to Grizzly Adams, keep it clean and maintained and you’re good. Don’t maintain it and you’ll look like crazed Juaquin Pheonix.
I’m going to make the assumption that you go to the dentist once or twice a year, hopefully brush your teeth twice a day and maybe floss. That gets you part of the way to a great smile. The other part of the “Pearly Whites” is making them white. I’ll be honest here, whitening toothpaste is a sham. Has anyone actually thought their teeth were whiter after using that stuff? It may help maintain a white smile, but not get you there in the first place. Just like anything else, you have to put in some time and effort, though just for a short while.
I use a product called Opalescence , which is basically a gel in a syringe. It comes in various strengths from 10% solution to 35% solution. I’ve used the 20% and the 35% strength. The lower the strength the longer it will take but the less harsh it is on your teeth and gums. The 20% wasn’t too bad and did the trick, the 35% is strong as shit but leaves my mouth a little sore if I use it more than a night or two. What I do is basically take a little kids paint brush (like you’d use for water colors or something), paint the gel onto the front part of the teeth, then put some more into mouth trays that were formed to my mouth (a home-boil type, not the dentist type..I’m too cheap to have custom fitted trays. I got Watts Dental Comfort Fit Teeth Whitening Trays and seem to work well for me (though don’t boil too long or they melt. Better to take it out to early than let them melt). I usually do this right before bed and take them out in the morning. Definitely see the difference. I also tried to stay away from red wine and coffee (I know, right, the sacrifices we make in the name of vanity 🙂 ) during the whitening process. Now, every few months I may bust out the trays for a touch up (night or two), but the first time you go through this process, you may be wearing them at night for a week or two until you get to the shade you desire. Also, store the gel in the refrigerator as it will last longer.
The End Game
The bottom line, as women know it takes some effort to look good. A nice bright white smile, some trimmed eyebrows, nose hairs that aren’t attacking people and a good hairdo will improve your appearance beyond what it is right now. Like I said, if your wife likes the hairy manbear with teeth the color of butter, then feel free to move on to a “Be More Like Odin” blog . I hope I’ve given you some food for thought. Until next time…