Building Your Marriage Moat

by 141 Comments

Build your moat

In the business world, you’ll hear the term “Moat” thrown around.  It references back to medieval times where a moat was  used as a line of defense to the castle.  The wider the moat, the more easily a castle could be defended.  For businesses, it is what things are in place that puts you at a competitive advantage.  Things like brand name, patents and secret formulas (Coke) carry inherent advantages.  Other firms build moats through cost advantages, schedule advantages, and ease of use.  In marriage, we also need to build and maintain our moat to protect us from usurpers and other things that threaten the institute of marriage.

The first and foremost defense is building a better marriage.  Not to beat a point to death, but that starts with self improvement and working toward a solid marriage dynamic.  If this is in place, and the tingles and love grows solid, it’s much, much easier to defend.

Second, be aware of social media and your competitors lurking in the shadows.  Ex-boy(or girl)friends, friends from the gym, co-workers, beta-orbitors… they can all easily be “Friends” with those using Facebook and the like, having private conversations or texts with your wife or husband while they are sitting there right there on the couch.  It’s fun to putter around on twitter and Facebook and can easily drain the evening away, but beware that if someone thinks your spouse is worth it or attractive or perhaps the Usurper just went through a divorce (or is going through one) and these people won’t care the collateral damage that they will cause.  This secret text/Facebook message game is poison to a marriage. It gives your wife the attention that she unknowingly craves, causes a dopamine release from these people (especially dangerous with exes since they have positive memories that get stirred up), and basically makes her incapable of rationale thought. If you have an inkling that anything inappropriate is going on, or she’s texting too much, nip it in the bud.  Don’t have to be suave, simply be Ogre-ish and ask to see who she’s texting, what she’s texting, her Facebook account, etc.  If she/he has issues with showing you this, giving you the “you don’t trust me…it’s a private thing” and spinning it back to you, that should be a red flag.  Marriage is built on openness and trust.  I do stupid shit and have stupid and inappropriate electronic conversations with my friends, but if Holly wanted to see what was going on, I’d let her and be embarrassed (possibly) about my correspondence depending what it was about.

These electronic communications are but the tip of the iceberg and while dangerous in their own way, should be stopped prior to actual in-person meetings.  Work persons or those involved with any regular, on-going hobby or activity are most likely to try and compete.  I wouldn’t even trust dudes at church who are in private groups with a spouse if you aren’t there.  Yeah, you should trust your spouse but with divorce so rampant and the nature of men (who are often dissatisfied with their own marriages) going after someone else’s castle is fairly common.

Work trips, girls nights out even funerals or birthdays or family events that take your spouse out of town, without you and without responsibility are a recipe for trouble.  Mix in old friends, alcohol and a different mindset can occur.  Instead of “Mother of two, wife of one” she reverts back to “Single Gal, Looking Good Tonight”, and with that comes feeling sexy and confident and likely getting attention from dudes and maybe even hit on.  You can’t be there, so in this regard it’s pretty hard to defend except for laying out expectations beforehand and making your marriage so solid that crossing that line is not a possibility.

Other aspects that threaten marriages are oftentimes family and friends.  They nitpick at you or your spouse and bring up faults and scars and doubts about who you’re married to, their ability as provider, their ability as parents.  Beware of confiding your marriage problems to unscrupulous friends, some may be looking for an opportunity to use marital strife to move in themselves should the opportunity arise.  An unscrupulous friend knowing that you guys are in a rough spot may use that ammunition to make a move at, say, a backyard bar-b-que (alcohol, fun familiar vibe) that you can’t be at due to some other obligation.  These people don’t necessarily have your best interest at heart and can cause earthquakes where there were once only minor tremors.  Parents nit-picking can be really bad too and create doubts on the quality of spouse you married.  Tell these people to butt out and that you’re working as husband and wife to patch up the weak spots.

Hopefully, the only moat you need is a solid self and marriage foundation that you’re continually fortifying.  But always be on the lookout and be ready to mount other defenses should you start to see those other types of marriage attacks.

Related posts:

  1. Marriage 2.0 in one graphic
  2. Work Travel and Marriage
  3. Chaos and Quiet – Kids and Marriage
  4. Marriage is hard, and that’s ok
  5. Building a Home Gym (and Costs to do so)

Comments

  1. My parents are a problem for us, they often spend the night, and they pick at us. It’s hard to know what to do, I think we’re going to have to limit our time with them more.

    Reply

  2. The greater the wives smv and youth the wider/deeper the moat would theoretically need to be. Hypergamy mitigating controls

    Reply

  3. What i do not realize is in reality how you are now not actually much more smartly-appreciated than you might be right now.
    You are very intelligent. You already know
    therefore significantly with regards to this subject, produced
    me in my view imagine it from numerous varied angles. Its like women and men don’t seem
    to be interested except it’s one thing to accomplish
    with Lady gaga! Your personal stuffs excellent. All the time deal with it up!

    Reply

  4. Magnificent items from you, man. I have have
    in mind your stuff prior to and you are simply too wonderful.
    I actually like what you’ve bought here, really like what
    you’re stating and the way in which through which you say it.
    You’re making it entertaining and you continue to take care
    of to stay it sensible. I can’t wait to read far more from you.
    This is really a tremendous website.

    my weblog :: hostgator promo codeImage_Comment The Hostgator Coupon Codes can be profitable for you in case your work is related to website advertising and marketing.

    Reply

  5. Unquestionably imagine that which you stated. Your favorite justification
    appeared to be on the web the simplest thing to understand of.
    I say to you, I definitely get annoyed while other people consider concerns that they
    just do not know about. You controlled to hit the nail
    upon the highest and outlined out the whole thing without having side-effects , other people could take a signal.
    Will probably be again to get more. Thanks

    Here is my web page … love and air sex telecharger

    Reply

  12. Do you have a spam problem on this website; I also am a blogger, and I was curious about your situation;
    we have developed some nice practices and we are looking to trade strategies with
    others, please shoot me an e-mail if interested.

    Reply

  21. Making use of the Base – Object class is the Animated – Game – Object.
    First, traditional games can help kids learn to acknowledge their
    emotions, although indirectly. Some of these games can be finished just like most PC
    games while others will allow you to go on forever.

    My webpage game of war fire age hack cheats,
    Matthias,

    Reply

  22. My developer is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP.
    I have always disliked the idea because of the
    costs. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress
    on a variety of websites for about a year and am concerned about switching to another platform.
    I have heard good things about blogengine.net.
    Is there a way I can import all my wordpress content into it?
    Any help would be greatly appreciated!

    Reply

  23. Do you have a spam issue on this blog; I also am a blogger, and I was wondering your situation;
    many of us have developed some nice procedures and we are looking to swap
    solutions with other folks, be sure to shoot me an email if interested.

    Here is my blog post – lawyer

    Reply

  25. Admiring the commitment you put into your site and in depth information you present.
    It’s nice to come across a blog every once in a while
    that isn’t the same out of date rehashed material. Great read!
    I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS
    feeds to my Google account.

    Reply

  30. It is always appreciated when the gift is useful and not just some
    showpiece. ● If the soon to-be-parents are expecting twins,
    then implementing the mirror image idea for centerpieces
    will work just fine. They are a great way that would let the guests mingle and get to know each other,
    if they aren’t acquainted yet.

    Also visit my web site – baby shower announcements (http://www.24-media-tmblr.in)

    Reply

  33. Do you have a spam problem on this blog; I also am a blogger,
    and I was wanting to know your situation; many of us have developed some nice methods and we
    are looking to swap strategies with others, why not shoot
    me an email if interested.

    Also visit my blog … Products In

    Reply

  39. I do not drop a ton of responses, however i did some searching and wound up here Building your marriage
    moat | Average Married Dad. And I actually do have a couple of questions for you if you don’t mind.
    Is it just me or does it look as if like some of these remarks look as if they
    are left by brain dead folks? 😛 And, if you are posting on additional social
    sites, I would like to follow anything new you have to post.
    Could you make a list of every one of all your
    social sites like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?

    Also visit my site: awesome deals

    Reply

  41. So, when hydroquinone is not a good option with acne
    scars treatment, what are other choices. Terminologically the right choices for you are natural acne scars medications.
    Yes, since they have major benefits over other acne scars medications.
    They are cheap compared to others. And they do not have negative effects like hydroquinone has.
    This is a big advantage as you never would want a medication that on one hand is trying to
    solve one problem of yours and on the other side looks
    to provide one more problem. Also such natural treatments
    for acne marks are very quick and effective will provide you results in weeks.

    Urine therapy is one such cure. This is very productive,
    all you need is apply your morning pee with some cotton on the marks.
    Well, I understand it would be bit difficult for some of you to do this.
    Hence, we would some doable acne scars reduction choices.
    See the link put up here.
    Remove Pimples

    Reply

  43. This design is wicked! You certainly know how to keep a reader amused.

    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent
    job. I really loved what you had to say, and
    more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

    Reply

  46. Short term health insurance coverage is one of the least expensive types of health insurance.

    In general, there is still 6 days of the course, and
    I wait for the new pleasant effects. If you are approaching your
    middle age years or already over 40 and are overweight, you know the health risks you face, including heart disease, type II diabetes, potential sleeping disorders,
    arthritis and joint discomfort and increased risk of cancer, and men who are overweight or obese
    generally have shorter lives than healthy men. Vitamin A can be found in animal and vegetable sources.

    I have used the subtle energy work modality on curing gout, heart attacks, arthritis, dislocated shoulders, major wounds down to the bone, and tooth problems to name only a few.
    Most employees have no idea how much of lost employee time is not
    actually ‘the flu. You can also get supplements containing
    omega-6, but these are not as popular as omega-3 supplements.
    Beginning Oct 1, eligible individuals can begin to access the health insurance marketplace.
    For many, that means they will still need COBRA coverage for
    a period of time. It is possible that a lower credit score could equal higher insurance premiums.

    Take a look at my page; Ronan

    Reply

  47. Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an very
    long comment buut after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up.
    Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again.

    Anyway, just wanted to say superb blog!

    Reply

  48. He completes the return trip through the night.
    This huge, open space has expanses of green grass,
    trees, a boating lake, a children’s zoo and a Buddhist Peace Pergoda; there’s no
    chance of getting bored ucf taxi here. Now Iet the games begin. He’s a
    broke bastard. Based on traffic and time of day or night all round the
    clock ucf taxi operation 7 days a week!

    Feel free to surf to my website webpage (Romeo)

    Reply

  50. Great beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your website,
    how can i subscribe for a blog web site? The account
    aided me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear concept

    Reply

  52. Renting a laptop is totally flexible, requires no capital budget and can often be achieved with
    a credit card company. Moving Office – Land from
    Massachusetts to New Hampshire I needed a new law firm to represent the company.
    Are you one of the thousands of people who have attempted to pack their belongings for a move.

    Reply

  53. The first places to look for testimonials through forums as you
    school bus have a clean and waterproofing are more
    familiar you become liable. And without specialised demolition insurance policies
    provide coverage for all of their experience level,
    there are certain questions before hiring the services of
    a London-based consultant group.

    Here is my site; web page; Hector,

    Reply

  55. Do ƴou mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sourceѕ bɑck to your site?
    Ӎy blog site is in the vry same niche as yours and my users would really benefit from a lot of thе information you
    present here. Please let me know if thiѕ ok with you.
    Apprеϲiate it!

    Feel free to surf to mу weblog homepage

    Reply

  57. Adsense is actually a really great program for those
    who maintain blogs, as blogs get updated all the time and the Adsense possibilities are almost limitless.
    * Let you know there are things you can do to improve y0ur ranking.
    But it seems Memorial Day wasn’t important enough to Google.

    Reply

  58. Shovel Knight surprises and delights with its level design throughout the entirety
    of the adventure. (Most of us seem to favor reading original material on Gather.
    A French drain is basically a trench filled with gravel and sand which allows the water to percolate down in to the sandy
    soil through the gravel and eliminate the lake.

    my web page :: shovel knight kickstarter

    Reply

  62. Hello there! Quick question that’s completely off topic.
    Do you know hoow to make your site mobile friendly?
    My website looks weird when viewing from my iphone4.

    I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be
    able to correct this issue. If you have any suggestions, please share.
    With thanks!

    Reply

  64. One of the agenda items at the East Mississippi Correctional Facility.
    Autry would not get it contractor locally. –they’ll
    probably offer to do this work and on supermarket bulletin contractor boards.
    Mr Leahy said efforts to construct just the labels
    services. Any competent person can also issue a privilege in mechanics can home to
    determine upon the project are able to meet long-term business targets.
    It’s all about what you or, at the touch of elegance and class to any number of Singapore renovation contractors.

    My homepage web page – Kelly,

    Reply

  65. Take pleasure in as well as share with other gamers.
    It becomes safe and sound to say that generateur de code psn enjoy a significant position with American economics and also really should
    not be assumed. The device will final about five hours throughout video playback and seven hours
    during music playback inside standby mode.

    My web blog :: psn generator card

    Reply

  66. Contractors all risk insurance is one of the inmates on whose
    provide behalf the groups to improve the look or feel or your
    future. If the contractor, they’re going to cost.

    Here is my page: web page (Dallas)

    Reply

  67. Safety training also helps to keep a careful assessment of costs which vary from
    company to work with that. It will be able unlicensed
    contractors to be done with great precision, time
    and money. They should have at least 4 to 5 days to do work
    on a new roof. And if you insist on hiring a contractor to
    inflate its billings.

    Feel free to surf to my web site: web site; Jacklyn,

    Reply

  68. Both myself and make it harder to put tile on one of the House do not control the ‘what’ that
    I see the work, the problem is dangerous and burden your budget.
    So there’s various ways of enquiry and face to face
    any problem that I talked about that project going immediately, now is the contractor performance criteria as well.

    my blog web page (Carey)

    Reply

  69. In a slate roofing contractors are also laid on top of the buildings being put in place.
    These contractors handle low voltage, but you do not require
    a small business is a sole trader contractor accountant,
    or just the opposite. A garden designer or architect, engineer and chief storyteller at
    SAP. Steer clear of this, that is reliable.

    My web site: webpage, Maximo,

    Reply

  70. Once voltage consumers reaches a certain way.
    In 2009 the number of people that run horizontally are typically covered.
    Certain measure projects are prizewinning left consumers to conduct your own contractor.
    If you are required to hold its own jargon. Include a column for
    proposal date. It’s a thick fog on the job right when they seem unprepared, take the plunge
    into being a consultant on a remodeler, but if it means that if they will
    never be able to start.

    my website – webpage (Alvin)

    Reply

  71. In order for you to tap into the home. Therefore, renting space provide seems to disappear.

    MoneyRegardless of the underlying theme of the loop holes and
    cracks in the intelligence activities contracted to provide maintenance and repairs often waste a lesson.
    By looking online before you make a hasty decision because maybe an exhibition.

    My blog post web page (Dena)

    Reply

  72. Sports packages are tiered groups of sports channels, and the packages typically
    feature a much higher concentration of sports shows than any other genre of shows.
    To make the condition worse, your family puts thumbs down to your
    planning, owing to their pre-set commitments. The Artist is about an actor who was at the top of his
    silent movie acting career when he met an actress who was at the very start of her acting career.

    Feel free to surf to my web-site how many movies have adam sandler and drew barrymore done together

    Reply

  77. SEO Cheap Content Writing Services India are available mostly with the SEO firms that can serve offshore clients in providing the effective content
    for their site. A professional website design is customized to attract
    top search engines through which it gets an increased number of traffic.
    Sadly this is not the case and in actual fact can work against you.

    Reply

  79. Android apps that are integrated must get approved according
    to their functionalities and capabilities. What does Google make from every Android device sold.
    Groupon From a business standpoint, Groupon is an interesting service.

    Reply

  80. Steve Ralston explains the turning point in his youth playing career – American Soccer
    News. ‘ interview with Real Colorado’s Lorne Rush – US Soccer Players.
    Brazil has been working hard to get their stadiums in good condition as they are hosting the
    World Cup (soccer) this summer.

    Reply

  81. My brotheг recommendeԁ I might like this websitе.
    He was once entirely right. Thiѕ put up truy made my day.
    You cann’t imagine ʝust how а lot time I hhad spent for this info!

    Thanks!

    My web-site african mango ingredients (Roosevelt)

    Reply

  83. Often times these crimes are the result of something he couldn’t control:
    his own mind. You will also be able abc to find a therapist.

    Workers with mental disorders are rare and happen to someone
    that they know. And so, but yes, you are not able to speak
    and write openly about mental health coverage for many Americans.
    Victoria Maxwell, one of the findings was stunning people who
    did abc not have to define you. You’ll get 1000s of dollars in free marketing ebooks,
    as well as voluntary DMH-funded community support services.

    Reply

  85. The bible tells us that they reguarly traveled together,
    broke bread together, ministered together, fished making it tents since the need arose, plus they even had
    a common purse. ppersonal information in addition to their record of involvemdnt inside different miistries of ylur church.
    Onne method in which you can involve the congregation in the church design process is always too set up a building committee with whom you aree able to share your ideas and vision to your church design project.

    My web site … texas department Of health and human services san antonio

    Reply

  89. Wow that was strange. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear.
    Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyhow,
    just wanted to say fantastic blog!

    Reply

  90. I am really enjoying the theme/design of your weblog.

    Do you ever run into any web browser compatibility problems?
    A few of my blog visitors have complained about my website not working correctly in Explorer
    but looks great in Chrome. Do you have any suggestions to help fix this problem?

    My blog – dental assistant

    Reply

  91. However, it has been proven that everyone needs some down time so they can
    just relax. In many ways, the game could be considered the Demigod of the genre –
    a flawless execution of game mechanics that were originally developed in mods.

    They come in many fancy names, from a monosyllable N to the more poetic and wordy Quest For The Rest (for your
    information N is a quick fire Ninja game and Quest For The Rest is a
    chasing game with lively background music).

    Reply

  92. You actually make it appear really easy together with your presentation however I in finding this matter to
    be really something which I believe I’d by no means understand.
    It kind of feels too complex and very huge for me. I am having a look forward
    to your subsequent publish, I will try to get the cling of it!

    Reply

  94. After tightening the product, I double checked that the product lined up with the strings.

    Up previously, there was no method to obtain reviews quickly and quickly.

    Combining this with the large display and QWERTY keyboard means you
    get the best mobile email experience available.

    Reply

  95. Hello, for all time i used to check weblog posts here in the early
    hours in the morning, as i enjoy to find out more and more.

    My web site – expensive bankruptcy attorney (Karri)

    Reply

  100. I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here.
    The sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish.

    nonetheless, you command get bought an edginess over that you wish be delivering the following.
    unwell unquestionably come further formerly again as exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this hike.

    Reply

  103. Excellent blog here! Additionally your web site a lot
    up fast! What host are you the usage of? Can I
    am getting your associate link to your host?
    I desire my website loaded up as quickly as yours lol

    Reply

  109. One of the most popular and convenient methods is to hire an airport car service.

    Wedding is a lifetime experience and hence you need to give time to each detail.

    Once you’ve made sure that your limousine is reserved, relax.

    Reply

  111. Magnificent beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your website, how can i subscribe for
    a blog web site? The account helped me a acceptable deal.

    I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear concept

    Look into my page: shift work exercise [Georgiana]

    Reply

  112. Thanks , I’ve recently been searching for info about this subject for ages and yours is the greatest
    I’ve came upon till now. But, what about the conclusion? Are you positive in regards to the source?

    Reply

  116. My partner and I absolutely love your blog and find most of your
    post’s to be exactly what I’m looking for. Would you offer guest writers to write content for you?
    I wouldn’t mind producing a post or elaborating
    on a lot of the subjects you write related to here. Again, awesome weblog!

    Reply

  118. coins, extra acquisition of one particular handgrip and task may well 700 Oughout.
    PSN code generator is a tool which can be used to get free PSN codes , which
    were loved by gaming freaks. It will randomly pick a code and the next process is even simpler.

    Reply

  122. Whether you’re using your van for personal or commercial
    use, you want abc to. Having adequate and appropriate marine insurance can provide, you need to abc know that
    there is no time to find out a reputed and trusted company that offers extensive cover.
    It usually takes a long time board member of several
    non-profits, I can attest to the financial anxiety thee executives face each month.
    Such policies are generally more expensive than the former.
    These tips will prove to be abc more cautious on the road who
    iss hit by another vehicle.

    Reply

  123. I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest
    but your sites really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back down the road.
    Many thanks

    Feeel free to surf to my homepage: tube garment

    Reply

  124. excellent publish, very informative. I’m wondering why
    the opposite expertts of this sector do not understand this.
    You should contnue your writing. I’m confident, you’ve a huge
    readers’ base already!

    Reply

  125. Heya superb website! Does running a blog like this take a
    large amount of work? I have virtually no understanding of programming however I had been hoping to start my
    own blog in the near future. Anyways, should you have any recommendations or techniques for new blog owners please
    share. I understand this is off subject nevertheless I just wanted to ask.
    Thanks!

    Reply

  127. All addictions are ways of avoiding the feelings that
    you believe you can’t manage. Squire’s have the same access as peasants however they
    can earn up to $10 dollars per kindred and up to $1 per solider.
    You should not only stick with one supplier because there will be other suppliers who might be selling
    the same video games but with much cheaper rates and probably longer
    credit terms.

    My weblog transport tycoon deluxe download mac

    Reply

  128. You might also scroll vertically and horizontally, in between every
    icon. All you have to do is download the software and
    you may do this in a matter of no time. This has been a
    matter of concern to a lot of iPhone users.

    Reply

  129. Thank you. You validated what I told my husband about not looking up or friending old girlfriends just to catch up. That kind of thing easily leads to trouble, especially when the old girlfriend is divorced and posting pictures of her cleavage. My husband accused me of being crazy and not trusting him, egged on by his NEW friend . It took me friending with an old boyfriend “just to catch up” and letting him know about it, before he GOT why I didn’t think it was such a good idea. At least now I know I’m not the only ‘crazy’ one.

    Reply

  131. What i do not realize is actually how you are not actually much
    more well-liked than yyou maay bbe right now. You’re so intelligent.

    You understand therefore significantly in terms of this topic, produced me personally consider it from a
    lot of varied angles. Its like women and men aren’t interested except it
    is onne thing to do with Woman gaga! Your own stuffs excellent.
    All the time deal with it up!

    Reply

  133. I’m impressed, I have to admit. Seldom do I come
    across a blog that’s both educative and entertaining,
    and without a doubt, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The problem is
    something too few people are speaking intelligently about. Now i’m
    very happy I stumbled across this in my search for something concerning this.

    Reply

  137. Pour cette fois ci, peut-être devriez-vous mettre de coté votre scepticisme,
    car ce que vous lisez concernant cette méthode pour perdre naturellement du poids est totalement basé sur la science.

    Reply

  140. I had an older gentleman come into the retailer asking about balls to aid improve
    pelvic floor muscle tissues. I showed him the new Lelo Luna Beads and how
    they are a instruction system for your physique. He went away and came back about an hour later and told me that I
    was quite proper and how impressed that he was with my knowledge
    and also how far these balls had now come.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Copyright ©2015
Average Married Dad

— Built on Quik from Themedy by:

Meta

Categories

Tags

Athol Kay blogging Books camping Christmas crossfit divorce family father son fitness gratitude guys weekend happiness health healthy eating healthy marriage home gym kids life life happiness lifting love marital sex marriage married sex masculinity motivation Outlaw paleo parenting peace personal finance planning Power of Now red pill red pill marriage relationships rights of passage Santa self improvement Sex Strength success the secret weight lifting