Seems like the Marriage topic is making its rounds recently. Lots of good reads, including a nice one by RedPillWifey on the Manoshpere and the State of Marriage and Athol Kay’s post from Tuesday that said:
Both of you need to consciously attract the other and consciously create relationship comfort for the other.
A recent Tao of Dirt had a nice take on why get married or select a wife in this article: On Marriage. I like this exerpt:
I’m not saying you should for sure get married, nor that you shouldn’t get married. Every man has to make that decision when the time comes. But remember that there are women in the world who will:
- add value to your life and lessen burdens that you’ll otherwise carry on your own
- be fun, sexy, feminine, and make you laugh much of the time (not all of the time obviously)
- take care of you when you are sick
- do their best to stay slim and sexy through the years, and who age well (think asians)
- clean your house, cook your food, and mend clothing
- keep your sex life interesting (and there are always side dishes as our lord and master points out)
- be a good mother to your children
- be content doing these things
If the criteria noted above are what makes for a quality wife, Holly has them in spades (except for the mending or ironing clothes thing). We both do our best to meet this entire list (substitute “masculine” for feminine, “strong” for slim, and “father” for mother and that’s what we strive to be). I think we’ve both aged really well considering the train-wrecks I’ve seen of others in our age group. For me, if you want to raise children, getting married and staying married is THE key component to that. But marriage is more than children and you better make sure the person you hitch your wagon to is someone you enjoy being around, are attracted to and respect or you’re marriage post children will fall apart. It is, at times, really hard and really stressful to raise children, and if you take out your frustrations on, or begin to resent, your partner chances of FAIL increase dramatically.
On the Rock had this great post about Masculinity. Exerpt:
“that these women not only love, but willingly dote, serve and submit to their husbands and are extraordinarily happy to do it. The reason these women are happy is because, overwhelmingly, their husbands are overtly masculine. They are the rocks that their wives will cling to and give everything to prop up.
It is not that one need game his wife everyday for the rest of his life, it’s that he must be a man everyday for the rest of his life. It’s not something that he must do for her, to make her happy or to make her tingle. It is something he must do for himself because he is MAN. For this reason and for no other.”
This definition of masculinity is much more in line with my own thinkings and slightly divergent of the whole Alpha/Beta thinking that’s so prevalent.
There does seem to be a fair amount of sour grapes towards marriage these days and I get why. My brother’s marriage busted up after maybe 7 years (and three kids). Many other [beta] men seem resigned to the fact that they’re married to a nagging shrew of a wife who drip-feeds sex and makes them feel like a pervert for needing it. Yet these same men continue to stay in these situations for various reasons (kids, religion), which may or may not be the correct move. I recently finished the book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study
which in no uncertain terms states that children are typically much more structurally sound (children and adults) being raised in an intact home versus a divorced one. That doesn’t mean your own happiness in this life is not worth it, just be aware that even with the best intentions your children are caught in the divorce crossfire to a large degree and suffer because of it. The rut of a known situation that’s not great is often times easier to ride in than the mental fortitude necessary to jump into unknown waters (separation or divorce).
Donlak over at Paradigm shift has this to say:
I am advocating marriage, but not a fools marriage. I know a ton of people who are idiots and living in a blue pill world who get married and are the poster boys of why not to get married, but are you one of those guys? I’m not.
Neither am I. I may have gone into my own marriage with expectations on how easy it was going to be, with my head in LaLaLand about how being a good husband mostly just meant being a nice guy and doing whatever the wife wanted (barf). After weathering our relatively minor marital ups and downs (moving, short term unemployment after moving, depression, having kids, changing jobs, buying houses) and actually learning nearly 10-years-in what a real husband should be and how he behaves, our marriage has been galvanized.
This blog also opens up my voice to Holly, sometimes puts out topics it’s uncomfortable to get rolling verbally (for whatever reason) and I think further strengthens how we interact. As part of my learning and growing process, I stopped pedestalizing my wife (or at least put myself on the same level as her) and in my own mind became comfortable with the idea that I could be a happy and satisfied man if we broke up (e.g. my happiness in this life is not dictated by being with her, or her moods, whims or how she behaves towards me – and if we couldn’t find common ground on respect, fidelity or sexual needs or any other thing that defines a high-quality marriage, then breaking up is a serious option). Ironically, when I became comfortable with this idea is when things really started to improve. We discussed explicitly on the subjects of boundaries, sex, gender roles in marriage and so on and I believe came to an understanding of how to continue to make this work over the long haul. The general vibe of our marriage changed for some of these reasons, and we seem mostly like we’re more in harmony than not. Still areas to improve upon, but the journey has been mostly good so far.
Could I be happy at this stage being single, going through a bunch of crazy chicks that seem to populate the dating world like a hot knife through butter? Sure, but only if I had to. Quality women are hard to find apparently (after many, many blogger posts out there on “what makes a good wife”, “finding a quality partner” and the always popular “avoiding batshit crazy girls”), and I’ve got a good one who I find sexy as hell and who just happens to be the mother of my children. That’s why I’m staying married.