I’ve always been of the opinion that guys or girls nights can cause major problems, as can work conferences. Mixing isolation away from the wife or husband, along with alcohol, along with maybe a hotel room and plausible deniability as to your whereabouts can lead to poor decision making. Even if you yourself really love your wife, or your wife you, sometimes the flattery of that hot guy or girl, along with the liquid retard-maker that alcohol is, can lead to a one-time poor decision that can crater something that is 15 or 25 years in the bank. I’ve seen it happen. Movies like Cedar Rapids are more reality than fiction, though obviously most people at conferences behave themselves. It’s what made me uncomfortable with some of my wife’s past jobs, where work conferences and late night marketing events were common. I’ve posted about it here and here if you feel like reading more on that topic.
Anyways, readers know I love my wife, and we have a very solid marriage and sex life. Even still, I’m not immune to biology and like a man am wired to appreciate feminine beauty and youth, as well as the dopamine drip that can come along with it. So let me tell a story to illustrate how even good men and women can get tempted.
Over the weekend I went out for an event with two friends that we had free tickets for. Afterwards, we went out to the local pubs since, as married men with busy family lives, we don’t often get a night out to just have fun. Sad but true. It wasn’t a planned Guy’s Night Out, but after our event it turned into one, hitting the local towny bars. Despite living two years in my town, I hadn’t been to two out of the three bars we went to that evening.
One of guys we went out with is in sales and can make friends with anyone and is on the extreme end of the extrovert scale. He’s a good lucking guy, and dresses like a conservative dad. The other friend is a little quieter in social situations until he gets warmed up – quiet confidence, and is a little thicker. He came from work (owns his own business), so was dressed conservatively. Me – I look about 10 years younger than my age, and dress very casual. That night I was wearing t-shirt with a red hoody, jeans, Adidas Gazelles (a shoe style that I’ve worn for 25 years – love ‘em), scruffed up hair. Not really trying, just wear what I wear. Like my own situation, both have good looking wives, and are committed to their marriages and kids.
So after finishing watching some college football at Bar#1, we headed to Bar#2. Loud, thumping music with a “DJ” playing music from 80’s to today. Social friend starts talking with a couple of young women probably mid-20’s at the adjacent table – one a very cute blond, one a decent looking brunette with a big nose. They looked sort of like this:
So we start talking with these women who are 15 years younger than us. I apparently hit it off pretty solid with the blond, who is closest to me, while Mr. Social is making friends with the brunette. Very early on in the convo blondie notices I’m not wearing a wedding ring (as I’ve noted elsewhere, I haven’t worn a ring for a few years [Holly wears hers though]. My reason was initially due to finger dermatitis that irritated my fingers when wearing a ring, but since cleared up, my fat fingers don’t fit the ring I had sized 30 lbs ago. This situation actually supports the fact that I need to get it resized). She makes a statement to the fact that she was surprised I wasn’t already “taken,” notes my lack of ring, and asks if I’m married. I state that I am but don’t wear my ring, and Mr. Social says we were just talking about this topic and were giving me shit over the fact. Doesn’t seem to impact the cute blond’s apparent interest in me as she’s very chatty, and even I can tell she’s into me. Now, due to my life circumstances I don’t deal with this type of thing that often, and my ego swells. The girl is very hot. Even us married guys get reduced to 16 year old horny boys who are thinking “pretty girl likes me; I could totally hit that if I wasn’t married,” especially after a few beverages.
The girls were meeting some friends at Bar#4, a few places down, so the five us us head out to Bar#3 next door, somewhere we were planning on going anyway. We’re enjoying the company, and I’m enjoying the attention. We do some shots, but my guys and me know that more drinking, and more bar time, is a bad idea and head out. The girls head to the next bar before we left, and I could tell blondie was disappointed we (me?) weren’t going there too, asking if we’d change our mind. Not a chance.
So that was our night. A few more (bad) decisions, a few more drinks, and bam — you find yourself thinking with the wrong head despite your best intentions. Again, I’ve seen it happen. You need to take efforts to protect yourself from yourself. My friends are morally solid and are a good support network. Even if I had wanted to start going down the wrong path, they wouldn’t have let me, nor me them. They say you are the average of the five people you hang around the most, these are two on that list. I’ve found myself in situations like this before (even if you don’t seek them out, sometimes they just happen), and have always done the right thing, but it doesn’t mean I’m not weak. I’m a man, and even at our best we are weak. Staying away from drinking in these situations is a good start. Staying with moral friends and not isolating yourself is another key aspect. If you keep these three rules in mind, you’ll end up doing the right thing (at least most of the time):
- Don’t drink too much
- Don’t let yourself get isolated with members of the opposite sex (especially those you find attractive or who find you attractive) when out in social situations where drinking is involved
- Surround yourself with people of similar moral gumption – going out with your recently divorced friend with a history of infidelity is the opposite of who you want for your wingman or woman. When you or they start to make bad decisions, reeling in the party going off the tracks is part of helping a friend.
Bottom line, it is flattering to have a sexy person be into you, and you can create a whole fantasy life on this single event. Better to keep it a fantasy, stop drinking, leave the situation, and later show your wife how hot you still are for her, than to keep drinking and make your fantasy into your worst nightmare.